Young Writers Society

So basically this is a poem about someone who loves someone else. I'm assuming the point of view of this person right here is male just because of the masculine adjectives. Perhaps the loved one, a woman, feels like the speaker, the male, is everything; to her the male is her "Savior, hero, protector, defender." but the speaker doesn't want to be these things for this person. He only wants to "betray" her.

Or, perhaps, the part about I'm not you means this person has a double life in which he thinks that he's a hero and all the things listed, and he indeed appears to be those things on the outside, while on the inside he is actually a villain.

I think the important things here are the contrast between "I'm not you/I'm your soul." I think our job as the reader is to interpret what he means by this statement.

And now, as I'm reading it again, one more interpretation comes to mind; maybe the person in this poem is saying that the soul is a basely, evil thing, and that no matter how we try, we are going to feel pain and frustration despite what we seem on the outside.

This poem was very bland and repetitive. It also didn't make sense in one line, which, considering how short this piece was, really counts against it a lot.

The line in question:

I'm your failers

So! What are you doing, here? I see an idea, a theme--you're telling someone that you're not who they think you are. Why? How have you (or rather, the speaker, sorry) come to that conclusion? What's happened up until this point? This feels incomplete; like you've started a poem and haven't finished it yet.

(One nitpick: Line three of the second stanza should say "I'm your failures". There is no such word as failers. XD)

What I recommend is to spend some more time thinking about the backstory of this relationship. Think about the intricacies--how have they interacted in the past? What has the speaker been hiding? What purpose does the speaker have for saying this now? Is the speaker actually talking to the person, or will that person never hear this? How deep does the betrayal go? Is it merely pretending to be a friend when the speaker really isn't, or are they going to do something terrible?

All in all, I think this could be a great poem! It just needs a bit of work and contemplation, that's all.