Family

Maddie, I LOVE this poem because it is so true. My mom died 2 years ago (I don't think I've ever told you) and things have completely fallen apart. We remodled to house (which i never liked because my mom had it perfect lke she wanted), my dad got a girlfriend, and all my sisters fight. One stays out all night, one lives alone (she's sixteen) and one is on drugs. I really love this poem because I can relate to it, and that makes me feel like i'm not alone

Hello.

I see this piece was very likely one written to vent emotions. While this is perfectly fine for personal poems, works that will actually be received well by a reviewer community usually have a bit more polish applied to them. And because this is posted in a reviewer community, I'm going to point out some places you could improve:

The first thing I noticed is the fact this is a list of items/emotional states. Each item on the list is one couplet, with the resolution in the last two couplets. This structure makes the poem very choppy, especially when you take one idea and continue it along two couplets like you did.

Stanza breaks are meant to show a break in ideas or concepts. By limiting yourself to a constant set of couplets, you're really limiting what your options are in terms of creating emotion and capturing a moment.

Which leads me to the content itself. I found that you were so focused on squeezing the essence of an idea into two short lines that you really hamstrung yourself in terms of capturing the situation.

I find poetry is the vehicle for an indirect message (especially for heavy topics like this). No matter how blunt the words are, there should be something hiding behind simplicity, a little gem you can dig up as you read multiple times. This poem has no such complexity; instead, you focus on telling the most blatant emotion you can.

Rework this so it's more subtle, and you're expanding on the idea. What makes the family so cruel? Why are they shattered? Use little moments that paint images to string together a poem we can resonate with.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey

Hello there, Demora! ^^

I am here to review this poem of yours for you! As you may have already guessed since I am here. I will try my absolute best to give you a good and helpful review. And hopefully it will be useful for you. XD

Alright, so I want to start this off by saying that this is a good piece. It's dark and pretty depressing and the way you wrote it made me feel the pain of the narrator and of the "Lost and destroyed children" that you are talking about. The feelings in this really came forward even while you didn't use a lot of words.

It's really sad and heartbreaking when stuff like this happens to someone. I hope this is not something that happened in your life. If it did then I'm sorry and my inbox is always open if you need someone to rant to. =)

Alright, let's take a look at your grammar and punctuation now. =)

My family,HECK
It's no family any more.

We've been beaten and broken,
Shattered and ruined.

We're cruel and unkind,
Aggresive and vile. "Aggresive" should be "Aggressive"

My family quit,
Long befor they ever knew. "befor" should be "before"

I am the only one left
Who tries at all.

But who cares if i try, The 'i' should be capitalized here =)
I'm just another one of the

Lost and destroyed children
In this cold, cruel world.