Young Writers Society

HI ITS ME xD

You're songs = my favorite songs.

Okay. lets get into it xD

For some reason I feel like reviewing this like poetry. Eh, lets give that a shot since Poetry and Lyrics go hand and hand.

There is very good length control on this, which is great. Some songs you can sneak a long line or two in there, but most usually not. So that's a plus, even though as Timmy said, the first two lines are short. But as stated above about long lines can also go along with shorter lines.

TIMMY STOP STEALING THE WORDS FROM MY KEY-TYPING.

I was going to mention something about narcissist...but whatevah.

I really think the last line in the chorus just sounds out of place >.< But you never know, cause sometimes when you sing something is different than just reading it. I wonder if I put it to my own tune...

Okay, I just tried that to "All of Me" by John Legend...It didn't really work with that tune xD

Annnnyyyyywayyyyy...

Okay, the thing I love about your songs the most is you use words that most people wouldn't. You're not cliche with the way you word things and I admire that, because that is a skill I can only wish to have.

Song Titles:

"Here's to the End" Is my fave

Hope this helped somewhat xD Sounds like a lot of nonsense looking back on it :p

-Kamryn-

Timmy here

As usual, and especially with your songs, I have no idea what to nitpick - or even what to talk about, really. I suppose I could blab on and on about how great this piece is, but that wouldn't really qualify as a review. And I did promise you a review on this piece and everything, and gah. Sometimes I wish you would be a bit easier on us reviewers, and write something we can actually review. >.< Because at first glance, I find nothing wrong with this piece. Like, zero. NILCH. <---(Is that even a word? xD)

Let's cruise through and see if ole' Timothy can find anything that his weary eye can rest upon, and findingeth a glitch or jerk. Shall we?

Tears can’t justify
the veil you use to cover your mistakes.
How can you deny
the scars that you have left in your wake?

But your narcissistic views

Conquer your ego,
fall to your knees in humility.

Stop thinking your smile will save the day.

but listening to the ones that state how I feel.

Is this the life

I tried to be everything

you looked past me

here’s to the end

It sounds like you're already a star,
Which you are. <3

Hello, thewriter13! I must say, this is very well written. The word choices and organization blew me away, really. Even though it is sectioned under a category of "Lyrics", I wanna say I read this like a short story with rhythm. Very well done.

Writer <3 Hi.

I LOVE YOUR SONGS. You seriously put mine to shame xD this was soo, sooo good. I love how heartfelt and deep they are, you always put so much meaning and life into them. Today, the songs are just soppy and I feel somewhat appalled by the lack of sensitivity and effort they have put into writing a song. But yours <3 they're just magical. Your vocab is like sweet music to my ears (hahaha, terrible pun.)

I'VE FINALLY BROKE THIS REVIEWING PROCRASTINATION. Are you proud of me? Hee hee.

Stay where you are
don’t you dare come any closer. - I felt as if this wasn't meant to be together. The first line makes me believe there should be an exclamation mark, like the singer (you) is ordering this, as if it were a point. You get what I mean, right? C: I felt as if they are separate sentences that's all

You’re no star… - If you read the first line and then the third, you'll find that you've cropped this so it doesn't feel like it was the same syllables in it. I would put "you are no star" just to extend it to fit x)

you lied with your face on the posters. - yes, I was singing it again. But when I was, I tripped up over this line everytime. Too many syllables. Felt too chunky. I don't know what to suggest, but I'm sure you'll think of something

Tears can’t justify
the veil you use to cover your mistakes. - hmmmm... I know you said you weren't too keen on the chorus, but I do like the meanings to it. I just didn't think "tears" and "veil" were the best combo. I felt as if I were a widow at a funeral. (Not to depress you or anything...). I don't want to sound harsh, m'dear, for I do love this long. I'm just trying to be helpful

You don’t notice the doors are open wide.
You can walk right in,
start your life again.
But your narcissistic views leave you blind. <3 so deep. I like it.

This is so... powerful. Oh my word. Once again you blew me away. I felt refreshed to find another breath taking new idea for a song. Hee hee. It was absolutely great. You should be proud of yourself. You're a talented song writer <333

Yours sincerely,
Traunt

P.S. Keep it up!

Hi Thewriter13, Amindor here

These lyrics are very beautiful and touching, and I really think you should try publishing the song one day. It has a good rhythm and tone, and I have absolutely no concerns. This, like all poems and songs, has a story to it, and you presented it very well. I can kind of just imagine what is happening in that moment, and it's just absolutely beautiful. I loved reading it and reviewing it, and I hope to do the same in the future. Keep on writing!!