She is trying to find her way through the tangled jungle of life.
There are thorns and branches, anger and hurt
Pain and torment and confusion
All twisted into one, giant mess of green and fury
Her hands have tired greatly from the navigating and pulling
Pulling through the gnarled ways of life
She sits down and watches the vines twist again, even after being cut
Terminated and destroyed
They somehow come back to life to trap her once more
She ponders in that moment
When will I be free?
She wonders in that moment
Who am I? What is me?
She does not ask for much
Just a simple island in the ocean of the world
They decided to give her a forest instead
Vines, leaves, heat, and scare
She asks herself if there is someone who really cares
A sound comes from the east, cutting her thoughts like saving scissors
A boy sits down beside her
He recognizes her as the face in the crowd
The one who never really fit in
The only puzzle piece that could not connect with the others
The one who was left in the box
He looks at the deep blue eyes that could pass for sparkling oceans
But he only sees a swampy green with a scared, worried frown
Who is she?
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i will start of saying this poem shows what life is really about and how you might find people with the same problems as you. I also enjoyed how you made the jungle symbolize the challenges that you will see in your lifetime.
Nitpicks:
At the somewhat end of this poem, there is a boy who comes in and I was like okay so they are going to talk to each other but at the end he just looks at her and wonder who is she? I was hoping for a love poem with them meeting and trying to get out of this jungle together.
The one who never fit in Maybe putting a misfit or a sore thumb (I think)
like saving scissors This part is a little confusing since how can scissors save some one? I mean, i get it in a sense but other side of me says it is still confusing.
All and all, i think this poem tells an amazing tale and gives a great message that life is not just one battle, its everyone's else battle too.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!! There. I said it.
aww thank you!!
<3
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
This may just be me, but I would feel that this line would hold far more gravity if you took out the "she is," simply because it makes it more cryptic and ethereal in its essence.
This is mostly just an opinion. Each person likes and dislikes a certain style. For me, I don't like to see repetition in poetry. I like things to be crisp and clean and flow seamlessly. Using the words "life" and "vines" a second time tell me that the writer didn't take the time to think of some other way to explain it. Of course, that's not really a bad thing, it's just preference, and some people would prefer it this way, because it makes sense.
I would personally change this line to something like, "Coming back to life..." That way it's less objective.
This symbolism of the forest is intriguing. I personally love the forest, but then, you're painting it in a far more sinister and constricting way, and I can see what you mean. The forests of life. Very cool when you think of it like some sort of entity.
At this point, I'm almost unsure of what to think about the poem. How should I interpret it? I always wish I could have a commentary with the writer (which I will go have in chat ;P)
In any case, I was expecting the boy to talk to her and help her out of this "forest," like would happen in any other poem, but then, you stick with the same theme of her being lost. Perhaps it's here own fault? Perhaps she isn't stepping into the light enough? Smiling enough? Definitely one of the better poems I've read.
Thank you Thewriter13!
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Thanks! *goes to chat*
I appreciate the kind review and suggestions
Hey, yo, Thewriter13! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you, sorry if it's short. I told you I was going to review this, so I am going to review. I don't see how you wrote this under a minute, because this poem is good.
I do like the idea of this poem. This girl get captured by all the burdens in her life (hence the imagery and meets this boy who wants to know about her. That does cause a problem I will delve into later, I do have to admit one thing. This imagery is blissful and great. It helps the poem push above and beyond. You do have a knack for plopping a scene into my mind. Heck, you even got some emotions in there. It's great!
The idea, is slightly overused. I usually see this idea in poems, stories, whatever literary work is out there. Even though this poem is highly original for the use of imagery and subtle emotions, it's still the idea. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel about it. I have to cut this review short because my mind is about to explode.
Overall, good job.
Strange gives you...
8.6/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Hey Simon & Garfunkel buddy
This is really good! It's hard to find poems on this site that are nice and long like this one is, so that's cool!
I don't think that comma is needed. Honestly, it's fine with or without one, but that's just my opinion.
Saving scissors? I don't really understand that... The alliteration is nice, but... Could you have possibly meant "sawing scissors?" But that doesn't make much sense, either. Scissors don't saw.
One little thing that I noticed was that you used "scare" (well, "scared" the second time) twice. Maybe you could use something else for one of those instances- alarm, panic, fright, terror, etc.
I liked that just parts of this poem rhymed. It made those parts so much more special.
These are my favorite lines for that reason. Whether you meant to rhyme "free" and "me" or not, it turned out well. You could have made it more flowy if those two italicized lines consisted of the same amount of syllables, but the way you have it is just fine.
I loved your imagery the most. At the end, when the boy saw the swampy green and the sparkling blue eyes, it was really nice! Keep up the awesome poetry!
Thank you buddy! XD RUGIDO SOL!
This is an amazing poem!! The language you used is just... words can not describe how beautiful it is
I'm no poet, but I can see a good poem when it stares me in the face! It was written with so much feeling and emotion, I'm not sure whether it's because you feel like this, or you have a friend that does, or you're just simply amazing, but your interpretation of what a social outcast would feel like is crazy good! There was just one line: "vines, leaves, heat and scare," I wasn't so sure about. I know you probably had to use the word scare to make it the right length or something, but it dunno, to me it sounded a bit off. THAT'S JUST MY OPINION THOUGH! Anyway, overall this was a really great poem 