Young Writers Society

Oh myyyy, when Grace was a newbie!

(Do not look at my newbie poem...it's embarrassing xD)

Okay. This is weird, but I don't think purple and red look together. Blue waves? I know that's not as cool, but it helps my OCD xD

Okay, now let me actually read the poem...

So, the first line is "Close Together" Why is together capitalized? It's not capitalized anywhere else in the poem. As my poetry style goes, I always capitalize words that are super important to the poem. And usually if something's so important I will repeat it in the Title or the rest of the poem has it stuck in there somewhere.

And now that I look at the other reviews I see recreating has already commented on the matter. *sigh* Well, I guess now you see our reasoning. Onward!

Another thing, although small, noticeable and slightly confusing for a reader. Punctuation. You have commas here and there, and sometimes no punctuation at all! So that's something to look at, to keep the flow better.

Now, if this wasn't your first of many works on here I would say something about making your own personal style, and how this sometimes takes a long time to do, but since I have seen more of your poetry, I must compliment you. You have started to get a feel for what kind of flow and structure you want your poems to have, so that's a plus.

I also must compliment you on how much you've improved! Well done

Onto another poem of yours :p

-Kamryn

Hello, after reading this my mind is at awe.

I think this poem could only be described as beautiful. When I read the poem I can imagine it so clearly in my mind's eye.
I think it illustrates the point that we all endure pain in our lives, that it is part of life. But when our suffering comes to its close, there is gold. Not only meaning the small pains we suffer through during our lives, but the collective pains of living itself. It says that we do not bare hurt in life in vain. That after life, is gold. Gold is the only word that can describe the beauty and awesomeness that must occur after our scars are healed, after we escape those red spots and purple waves. Also, I loved the line "Afraid of their anger." It explains, in four small words, that the reason we are afraid - the reason that we suffer in life - is because of our anger. Not anger, OUR anger. We live in fear of our own anger, and that is why life, sadly, is not a rose without thorns.
I could go on a lot longer, but I think I've said all I need to.
It was a pleasure reading your work.
Waka waka,
Nicholas L. Stark (")>

"Close Together."

Sorry, i hate to start off with such a tiny nitpick, but that really got on my nerves. I don't think that the T should be capitalized. It really isn't that bothersome, it's just me.

"But is soon quieted permanently"

I think that silenced would've been a better word to use there. That's just my opinion, though.

First of all, i must say a cliche one word response. Wow. Just, wow. I'm truly in awe. This poem is truly beautiful. Of course it's beauty isn't traditional, but that is the best kind of beauty. It is truly lovely. Overall, your words were chosen very well. I did have one suggestion about that, but it was only because the rest of the poem is so wonderful that it's flaws must be removed so it can seek it's full potential. It needs to come to it's full potential, for that would just be amazing. I, personally think that it is very close. I do not have sharp eyes, so there may have been things that i could've missed. Okay, so this is how i interpreted it:

People suffer for seemingly no reason at all. The circumstances aren't in there favor, and they must suffer a tragic life. However, there is still hope. You can still find your way out of the terrible place and finally claim the life that you deserve.

I don't know whether or not that is accurate, but i still enjoyed it. If you have any questions, please just let me know.

"Close Together."

Sorry, i hate to start off with such a tiny nitpick, but that really got on my nerves. I don't think that the T should be capitalized. It really isn't that bothersome, it's just me.

"But is soon quieted permanently"

I think that silenced would've been a better word to use there. That's just my opinion, though.

First of all, i must say a cliche one word response. Wow. Just, wow. I'm truly in awe. This poem is truly beautiful. Of course it's beauty isn't traditional, but that is the best kind of beauty. It is truly lovely. Overall, your words were chosen very well. I did have one suggestion about that, but it was only because the rest of the poem is so wonderful that it's flaws must be removed so it can seek it's full potential. It needs to come to it's full potential, for that would just be amazing. I, personally think that it is very close. I do not have sharp eyes, so there may have been things that i could've missed. Okay, so this is how i interpreted it:

People suffer for seemingly no reason at all. The circumstances aren't in there favor, and they must suffer a tragic life. However, there is still hope. You can still find your way out of the terrible place and finally claim the life that you deserve.

I don't know whether or not that is accurate, but i still enjoyed it. If you have any questions, please just let me know.

Oh boy..this poem may be too deep for me! Not sure I understand the red spot purple wave thing. From what I gather, this poem is about social rejects and how they feel. I like everything in this poem until you got into the bit with the colours. I felt you sort of broke the rythm when you started the repetition of the phrase "red spots purple waves." This phrase can still be in here, I just think it should be said once. Perhaps if you put it dramatically at the end with a space before. If these social rejects are facing death (perhaps they are homeless and are dying in the bight of winter) you could have the red spots and purple waves as being the last thing they see before death. I'm not sure what the gold is suppose to sybolize either...I think once you explain to me I'll be able to help you further. I found one small technical error too. "A forceful protests rings through the crowds"--> protests should be singular here.

This poem is off to a grand start. You obviously have a beautiful, deep mind. Keep writing and please review one of my works! I would love to hear your opinions.

Hi, thewriter13. This is pinkie here for a special. Well, this is not really special because people in YWS does this all the time. Anywho, you let me do a review on it for your second day. Let's get started. *puts on funny glasses*

For this second poem(I saw the other poem under your bio), this poem is not bad for your second day. I love the rhythm that you got for this poem. It is very interesting to read though the lines. I like this poem. You did a great job on it. However, you do need some work on it. You have some few errors on here. But you did your best on it. Great masterpiece and nicely done.

Great Job and Keep on writing!

Cheers

Your reviewer, Pinkie

P.S: Welcome to YWS