z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Chronicles of a Public Bus (part 3.08)

by Ventomology


Sunday, 13:00, route 36

After Everett pulls into the station, his three passengers flee the bus quicker than he can say “have a nice day.” The shortest woman seems to wave at someone across the station before pulling her friend into the nearby parking lot, and the leopard print woman storms out the back door at the same time, nearly knocking into a group of kids hurrying to their next bus.

Everett is not surprised when these kids board his bus. He waves them through, barely registering their light blue bus passes. So many students use public transportation that he automatically assumes anyone younger than twenty and older than five has a pass. Besides, this group of kids looks familiar.

The four teenagers meander through the aisle, debating on which seats they ought to take, and who should sit next to who. For a while, they linger at the back door, but a woman pushing a stroller embarks soon after, and she asks them, with copious apologies inserted into her speech, if she can take up that area instead. The teenagers oblige without reluctance.

“See?” says the taller girl, sweeping her tangled black hair away from her face, “I told you we should have just headed straight for the back.” She falls into the back seat, and the cushion lets out a whoosh.

Wanting a window spot, Willow opts to sit in front of Divinity instead of beside her, deliberately leaning towards the frosted glass to avoid conversation. The boys file in a moment later, and the real chatter begins.

“So?” Divinity starts. “How did interrogations go with you two?”

Drake and Martin exchange guilty looks, and freckle-like red scales bloom on Drake’s cheeks. The two boys putter into a hum of excuses, shrugging and raising their hands in front of their faces for both placation and defense.

“I promise I tried,” Martin says.

“I at least brought it up with my mom,” adds Drake.

Groaning, Divinity only scrunches her nose. “Excuses,” she spits. “You two are worthless. I’m the brains, Willow is the brawn, and you two just sit there.”

Martin darkens. “If Willow is brawn, I can be brawn. I have enhanced physical abilities now.”

“Uh-huh, and Willow still schools you in dodgeball. Besides, the only things we’ve been fighting are spirits, if your stories are any indication.”

Still staring out the window, Willow sighs. She isn’t sure if being the muscle of this group is a compliment or a stab at her intelligence. Next to her, Drake coughs in indignation.

“Excuse me?” he says, his loud whisper sounding almost draconian. “I fought the lady who stole my chess set. Martin and I are not doing nothing. Besides, set roles are limiting.”

Willow's lips turn up at Drake’s words of defense, and her faint smile reflects in the window for a few moments. Then the bus starts moving, and she loses the black backdrop of the parking lot which makes reflections so much easier to see.

“If you fought her,” Divinity retorts, “why haven’t you gone to the police station and told the officers what she looks like?”

“My grandfather won’t let me!”

Martin scratches his head and gestures with his palms up. “Your grandfather lives halfway across the country. He can’t stop you.”

“My mom can,” Drake grumbles. “Besides, we just went to the police station on Friday, and it would be weird to go back now.”

Crossing her arms, Divinity nods, unconvinced. “Sure. Whatever you say.” The bus rolls over a sharp dip in the road, but Divinity somehow manages to stay stone still as she glares at Drake. When her look loses its force, she tosses her hair and reaches for Willow’s straight, black locks to start a haphazard braid. “You’re just a coward who never likes to take action. How long have you been crushing on-

“Divinity!”

Martin widens his eyes in comprehension, and Divinity makes a show of letting her gaze wander.

“You promised you wouldn’t talk about that,” Drake growls.

“And you promised you’d do something. You know our school doesn’t have the money for a Sadie Hawkins dance on top of homecoming and prom.”

In the silence that follows, Willow hears the baby near the back door begin to cry. Near the front, a large group of boys decked in matching purple jerseys and black shorts chant their team motto so softly they could be mistaken for a cult summoning spirits, if their arms weren't slung over each other’s shoulders.

She reaches behind her head, and Divinity’s tugs cease. Turning to face the rest of her friends, Willow combs out the braid and bites her lip. “Are you all okay?” she asks. “I thought we were going to talk about our investigations, not, um, whatever that was.”

The group tension flows out like the sigh of relief at the end of a test. Shaking her head, Divinity leans back in her seat, and Martin closes his eyes.

“Thanks, Willow,” Drake says. He looks up and takes a breath, likely to apologize to Divinity, but she jumps out of her seat before he can speak.

Martin tenses as well, and while Divinity checks her purse, he mutters about heightened senses and digs a hand into the crack between his and Divinity’s seat cushions.

“I could have sworn I set my phone to something other than vibrate,” Divinity mutters. “Martin, did you feel anything weird?” She twists her neck to look at him, and her jaw drops. In Martin’s hands is someone’s phone, buzzing like a furious bee. Its screen is lit up with a string of white numbers.

Drake and Willow blink, unsure of what just happened.

“Do we answer it?” Martin asks.

“Um, probably yes?” Divinity replies. “I bet it’s the owner trying to find their phone. Drake, you answer. You’re the least likely to say something stupid.”

“Wait, but don’t you always-

Divinity shoves Martin’s hand towards Drake. “Texting is entirely different from talking. Just do it.”

Taking the phone, Drake lets one hand hover over the buttons. “I’m going to put it on speaker.” Amid a chorus of “get on with it,” he accepts the call and pushes a button. “Hello?” he offers, cautious. “Is this the owner speaking? We found your phone, and-

“Mr. Talisman!” The voice, sharp and screechy and feminine, overpowers the phone’s speakers. “I’ve called you at least twenty times in the last half hour! I even left messages. Why weren’t you picking up?”

Drake’s already pale skin turns snow white, and he fumbles over his words, unsure of how to explain the situation. He pauses so long, listening to the voice on the other end and gawking and shivering that Martin leans forward and speaks instead.

“Excuse me, but this is not Mr. Talisman. The phone was left on the bus, and I picked up when you called, assuming you were the owner. Apologies for the confusion, ma’am.”

The woman screams in frustration, and the phone relays a burst of static instead, one that begins with a crack and ends with the interruption of a long, low beep. Whoever that was, she's hung up.

“That was kind of freaky,” Divinity says. She pries the phone out of Drake’s shaking hands and puts it to sleep. “I wonder what she wanted with Mr. Talisman though, of all people.”

Shrugging, Willow turns back to her window. Outside, shiny office buildings slide by, and the brown brick library sits a few blocks away. She twists back to the aisle to push the stop request button and purses her lips when she notices Drake still fretting.

“Drake? Are you okay?”

The stop button pings as he lifts his head. “I don’t know,” he admits. He looks everywhere except at Willow. “It’s just that, well, the woman on the phone sounded like…”

“Did she sound like your thief?”

Drake nods.


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88 Reviews


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Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:06 pm
EnderFlash wrote a review...



Nothing like sleeping late and then sleeping in late, am I right? Summer vacation has started! :"D

Notes

Its screen is lit up with the numbers of a caller.
I think that just saying "the number" would be fine, because although a phone number is consisted of... numbers... you wouldn't hear anyone asking each other for 'their numbers' or the like. It's a little strange.

... and she loses the black backdrop of the parking lot which makes reflections so much easier to see.
It'd sound less awkward with a comma dropped between "lot which". As of now, saying it aloud makes it feel like it's weirdly rushed.

Martin darkens.
I get what you mean, but it'd probably be better with "Martin's expression darkens", or something like that.

---

Thoughts/Impressions

1. Divinity would take care to be a little more subtle. It's great to be blunt around friends, but sometimes, they just want you to tone it down. It'd be interesting to see something shape her in that direction.

2. Ooh! Drake might be meeting with that lady soon, or at the very least be looking for her. Their encounter might lead to a few revelations on who exactly the leopard-print woman is...




Ventomology says...


I have checked up on those little fixes. My own summer vacation starts tomorrow, so I should be catching up with your chapters soon. They're bookmarked and everything.

Thanks for the review!



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Sun May 08, 2016 12:01 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm back again.

Again, I don't have too much to say, just because this is very good.

I liked the way they found the phone - I can tell there's multiple plots going on here, and it feels like they're going to be linked together soon. Though it is a little bit convenient that they happened to be sitting where the phone had fallen.

I also agree that maybe they should make at least a little progress - I feel like maybe instead of just saying "well I asked my mom about it," they should have gotten some little tidbit of interesting but ultimately not very useful information, just to make it not feel like everything's stagnating. I also feel like they'd probably be likely to volunteer any random tidbit they were told, just because they're already being kind of defensive.

The woman screams,

I think it might be a good idea to describe how she screams, because right now I legitimately can't tell if she's startled, angry, or if a serial killer just broke into her house, and I feel like that's pretty important. People can usually tell if someone's screaming because they're angry or because they're scared, and it seems like a strange detail to leave out.

Whoever that was, they’ve hung up.

Since they know the speaker is a woman, it should be "she's hung up."

soft versions of a team motto,

Soft versions of a team motto? I didn't know those existed. xD

And I think that's it this time. Keep going strong!




Ventomology says...


I've fixed the specific little things you pointed out. Thank you so much for continuing to review this piece!



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Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:04 pm
Songmorning wrote a review...



Oh my gosh, this was a pretty awesome chapter. The phone, Mr. Talisman, the leopard-print woman, Drake's chess board...everything's coming together, but most of the mystery still remains. It's just making me more curious! I've probably said this too many times, but wonder what this all could be about. It's a really good kind of wondering, though, because you reveal just a little bit more to me in each chapter. Enough to keep me interested, but not enough for me to divine yet what's going on here.

The only part of this chapter that bugged me a bit is that no real progress has happened in the "investigation". They're finding things out, I suppose, but they haven't really been investigating hardly at all, even though they first brought up the idea several chapters ago. In this area, it kind of feels like you're dragging your feet--but if you have a reason for this don't worry about it. ^^"

the leopard print woman storms out of the back door at the same time

Just a tiny nitpick: most of the time, you can just use "out" rather than "out of".
"The leopard print woman storms out the back door at the same time"

Martin reddens.

How dark is his skin, then? I've never seen a really dark-skinned person redden.

I fought the lady who stole my chess set.

My goodness! So if the leopard-print lady stole Drake's chess set (which was his horde item, right?), then why did she tell Mr. Talisman that she had sold HIS stupid chess set? What does this have to do with him? And aside from that is the usual question: who in the world is this lady??

Willo'sw lips turn up at Drake’s words of defense

Noticed a typo. :)

How long have you been crushing on-

“Divinity!”

Martin widens his eyes in comprehension, and Divinity makes a show of letting her gaze wander.

“You promised you wouldn’t talk about that,” Drake growls.

...what? What's up with that? I thought Drake was Willow's kind-of-boyfriend or something, or at least that the two had a crush on each other, but the way they're talking about it, it doesn't really sound like they're referring to Willow. That's strange. I wonder what this means...

In Martin’s hands is someone’s phone, buzzing like a furious bee.

MARTIN found Mr. Talisman's phone! A w e s o m e~

That was a really disturbing occurrence. Why did she scream so horribly? Great Scott! She's really trying hard to get ahold of Mr. Talisman, and now she finds that he doesn't even have his phone! Maybe there's information on that phone that she's worried will get out, too. Our four friends have an excellent clue to their investigation now. :)




Ventomology says...


Ack! A typo! Thanks for catching that.

As for Drake and Willow... well, you'll just have to wait and see. :)

Thanks again!




The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
— Jack Hanna