21-12-2012

Wow... *knocks*

I really, really like your first two sentences...I didn't get it at first but then I read it again and I was stunned. It touched me, I got it! If you don't notice something, how can it truly be? When you go to sleep what do you know of all that is around you? It's so true.

I did not really understand the sentences about the spiders though. It did not seem to connect for me, but maybe I just need an explanation?

The day was definitely forgotten and we surely moved on! :>

Keep dreaming

Hi! So, this was an interesting and cute discovery seeing as how it's December 22nd and the apocalypse is now just an irrelevant story we'll tell our kids to make them laugh, much like every other predicted doomsday in our history. That being said, I did like this poem. It's relatively simple yet it still manages to convey a lot of effective imagery. It's not cheesy or over dramatic; it does exactly what it needs to do.

However, there are a few things that you could do when you go back and revise this. Firstly, I agree wholeheartedly with with other reviewers said about your use of punctuation. If you're using it to try and make the piece more poetic or abstract, it breaks up the flow and makes everything seem more choppy than it should be.

Another thing that you could do is expand on your imagery a little bit more. I guess on one hand I like that this is sort of vague, and it really could apply to anyone, but I still think you could keep that sense while making your images clearer. Does your narrator sincerely believe the apocalypse is going to happen? Is there a certain eerie stillness about the day? A kind of tension? I know that going into yesterday people treated it as somewhat of a joke. Maybe if you construct your poem around a parallel universe in which the characters truly believe they are going to die it would be more interesting.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts. I did like this, and you're a talented writer, so keep at it! Feel free to shoot me a PM if you have any questions. Hope this helped you out.

Alright, to say the least, I loved this poem. Not adored. And it's certainly not the most wonderful thing I've read ever. But I loved it. And don't take offense, because I actually took the time to write this review. I hate reviews.

But, the thing is, it's really well written. The words flow, it all works out smoothly, and that makes a good poem. I applaud you for that. But, there were some issues. For example, there are moments where it can only be described as awkward.

Like in the lines: "last seen on the west horizon.
And we crawled back home
like spiders."

For me, you could've made this so much better. The entire scene is just not making since, especially the capitalization bit.

Anyways, I've lost my motive to review (wow, that lasted long), and trust me, your piece is amazing. Loved it. Anyways.

Keep writing! Good luck!
Allons-y!

~Bandit<3

Hello

I really enjoyed this. This is the the most eloquent literary response to the "2012" hysteria I've come across: It has a lot of class, a tinge of humor, and admirable brevity. The opening two lines are really potent, and I'm happy that you placed them in the beginning of the poem as oppose to anywhere else.

I am not a fan of your use of punctuation. Much of this is written in a prose-like style, but the problem with that is that the sections that do read like prose are being hindered by unnatural punctuation. For example , I really stumble when I read "....resigned from the day? Last seen on the west horizon. And we crawled back home like spiders, hoping to find food...". I'm not even sure what would be the best place for "Last seen on the west horizon", and I personally think that it can be omitted without the integrity of the poem being compromised. Also, you don't need a comma after "spiders".

Otherwise this was a really refreshing read, keep up the great work!
-Alex