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139,669 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
This is awesome, and I love it.
Hi there, shoaib! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing you poem this evening. ^^
Firstly, wow, shoaib. This is a cute little poem. It truly brought a smile to my face. Absolutely lovely. <3 I like the flow, despite a few places where it's awkward or might need a break of some kind, like here;
This could be improved by adding a semicolon after the 'you' on that first line. Like so;
"Your childhood wishes have grown up with you;
the road has put some of its dust on your face, a layer."
I feel this makes it flow better. There are over punctuation marks you can use, and I suggest you make use of them. They can add something more to a poem.
Also here;
This could use another break. I suggest this;
"Your wrists still rather thin, your fingers long--
maybe from all the holding on."
I think this sounds much better now. And I'm afraid I'm not going to be of much use anymore. So, that's it. Also, those last two lines are just lovely. Thanks for such a brilliant, cute little poem! I hope this review helps. ^^
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
Hello there here is a me with a review for ya I hopes it helps yu out.
see maybe you can tell but its OK if you don't understand what I am saying.OK you did really good but I think you need to put a space after the "periods".
I also think you put to many "comas" but maybe its just me.
And another thing is although it may make sense to others it does not make any to me.
OK you did really good I think I can see what you are trying to say.
Your selling and grammar and all of that kind of stuff as far as I could tell was great.
Good job I think you have some kind of talent for this.
Keep writing and good luck.
Until later "God be with you and good bye".
~Jon~
Hopes it helped.
Forgive me if I rambled.