Young Writers Society

Hi @AkiraEliza I'm here to do a short review or long review on your song, so lets jump into it.

Crawling in, I'm seeing bloody red

Anger branches, never forget what you said

Going insane, this itch will be the death of me

You can't push me around, I'll make you see

~

Tell me you can say whatever, no one to go against

You'll need my help but providing you can forget

Circus Investor's pet I warned you

This'll come back to haunt you

(Don't say I didn't warn you)

In your time of need you'll be screwed

So play nice, I don't need your ridicule

(Don't say I didn't warn you)

Circus Sales Man,

No ridicule

Circus Sales man

Soak this up while you can

(Well I told you so)

~

Every second, feels like a waste of time

With your presence, where's the peace of mind?

Well I won't let my bitterness be defined

You're not allowed to dim my show lights

~

Tell me you can say whatever, no one to go against

You'll need my help but providing you can forget

Circus Investor's pet I warned you

This'll come back to haunt you

(Don't say I didn't warn you)

In your time of need you'll be screwed

So play nice, I don't need your ridicule

(Don't say I didn't warn you)

Circus Sales Man,

No ridicule

Circus Sales man

Soak this up while you can

(Well I told you so)

~

You think you can add up to what I can?

Please, I've been working at this since day one

A pet has a leash, So know your place

Go back to your owner, so I can scream "In your face!"

I don't mean to be dramatic, I'm problematic

I've been causing problems since my second Circus Entrance

I opened up a new show, sorry it was a no-go

You don't get to dictate how this goes

twinkle twinkle little snitch, mind your business you nosy-

screw off, Jack off, go disappear down a well

before you and investor banged on the door, things were going with swell

scamper back into the safety of her arms and leave

you ain't welcome here, bro, for the twisted loyalty you decreed.

Run back to your owner and leave me alone

~

Tell me you can say whatever, no one to go against

You'll need my help but providing you can forget

Circus Investor's pet I warned you

This'll come back to haunt you

(Won't listen when I warn you)

In your time of need you'll be screwed

So play nice, I don't need your ridicule

(Won't listen when I warn you)

Circus Sales Man,

No ridicule

Circus Sales man

Soak this up while you can

(Well I told you so)

You poked a lion then cried when It took a bite

Coward, face it and learn how to fight

you can come back when your lips are better tight

Till then I'll cause you problems all through the night

(Don't say I didn't warn you)

Hello there, Akira! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the terrifying S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - A Circus Sales Man thought that he could just help sell her circus. He works for the Circus Investor and doesn’t know how to fight, to which the Circus Freak finds to be awfully pathetic. She’s the leader and he is only a pet.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I read your description and I know that you kind of want to edit this, so I’ll offer a suggestion. You can listen to it or not, it is only my opinion. You are the writer, after all. I feel like more of the words should sound similar so that it flows easier. I like the reference of the lion, but if you could also add in the reference of the circus knife and emphasize how the Circus Sales Man doesn’t understand the Circus Freak’s pain and never will, because he is intruding on her circus.

Chocolate Bar - I like how the narrator is warning and taunting the Circus Sales Man at the same time, as though she’s trying to get him to do something, but at the same time, she’s picking on him for thinking that he was a match for her and all that she went through. She knows more about the circus, as it is her livelihood and she is not to be challenged on such matters.

Closing Graham Cracker - The circus sales man does not know what he has walked into. So many people in these songs walk into the Circus Freak’s life as though they can just take her circus that she created, but no. There are deep wounds inside of her and everyone else will feel the pain that runs inside of her, forever and ever and ever…

I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^

Hyyy hru? Great song once again and love the slight repetition and cool words! ^^
I can’t be arsed to write more so don’t bother me~

Edit:AHH STUPID SITE I HATE WHEN IT DOES THIS-