Crawling in, I'm seeing bloody red
Anger branches, never forget what you said
Going insane, this itch will be the death of me
You can't push me around, I'll make you see
~
Tell me you can say whatever, no one to go against
You'll need my help but providing you can forget
Circus Investor's pet I warned you
This'll come back to haunt you
(Don't say I didn't warn you)
In your time of need you'll be screwed
So play nice, I don't need your ridicule
(Don't say I didn't warn you)
Circus Sales Man,
No ridicule
Circus Sales man
Soak this up while you can
(Well I told you so)
~
Every second, feels like a waste of time
With your presence, where's the peace of mind?
Well I won't let my bitterness be defined
You're not allowed to dim my show lights
~
Tell me you can say whatever, no one to go against
You'll need my help but providing you can forget
Circus Investor's pet I warned you
This'll come back to haunt you
(Don't say I didn't warn you)
In your time of need you'll be screwed
So play nice, I don't need your ridicule
(Don't say I didn't warn you)
Circus Sales Man,
No ridicule
Circus Sales man
Soak this up while you can
(Well I told you so)
~
You think you can add up to what I can?
Please, I've been working at this since day one
A pet has a leash, So know your place
Go back to your owner, so I can scream "In your face!"
I don't mean to be dramatic, I'm problematic
I've been causing problems since my second Circus Entrance
I opened up a new show, sorry it was a no-go
You don't get to dictate how this goes
twinkle twinkle little snitch, mind your business you nosy-
screw off, Jack off, go disappear down a well
before you and investor banged on the door, things were going with swell
scamper back into the safety of her arms and leave
you ain't welcome here, bro, for the twisted loyalty you decreed.
Run back to your owner and leave me alone
~
Tell me you can say whatever, no one to go against
You'll need my help but providing you can forget
Circus Investor's pet I warned you
This'll come back to haunt you
(Won't listen when I warn you)
In your time of need you'll be screwed
So play nice, I don't need your ridicule
(Won't listen when I warn you)
Circus Sales Man,
No ridicule
Circus Sales man
Soak this up while you can
(Well I told you so)
You poked a lion then cried when It took a bite
Coward, face it and learn how to fight
you can come back when your lips are better tight
Till then I'll cause you problems all through the night
(Don't say I didn't warn you)
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi @AkiraEliza I'm here to do a short review or long review on your song, so lets jump into it.
Wow that's a strong start to the song, pure emotion behind it that is instantly captivating me and pushing me to read further, I'm really trying to picture what your trying to get across, at the moment it seems like a relationship that didn't work out, and now the person won't leave.
I think its interesting to see how twisted and angry the person speaking is, but then it makes you wonder how badly the other person who there talking about hurt them. I also really like the flow of the writing.
Another thing that I really like is that although some paragraphs look and sound similar you've changed the lines really cleverly and it's made it work really well, and the overall meaning of the song was strong, there was a lot of roar emotions behind it, it also seems like its going into the hardship of working for a circus and the dangers that are involved.
So that's it for me I hope I wasn't being to harsh and if I was I'm really sorry that was not my intention at all, your a wonderful writer and I hope to continue seeing more of your writing.
@Dossereana Flying Over Vintage Writings & Spreading Love And Peace
you weren't going harsh at all! you've never reviewed my stuff before, so I'm going to clarify that the Investor is my mom and the Sales Man is my brother, the golden child who always gets his way. so yeah.
I see that makes it even more interesting, thanks for clarifying that
Hello there, Akira! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the terrifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - A Circus Sales Man thought that he could just help sell her circus. He works for the Circus Investor and doesn’t know how to fight, to which the Circus Freak finds to be awfully pathetic. She’s the leader and he is only a pet.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I read your description and I know that you kind of want to edit this, so I’ll offer a suggestion. You can listen to it or not, it is only my opinion. You are the writer, after all. I feel like more of the words should sound similar so that it flows easier. I like the reference of the lion, but if you could also add in the reference of the circus knife and emphasize how the Circus Sales Man doesn’t understand the Circus Freak’s pain and never will, because he is intruding on her circus.
Chocolate Bar - I like how the narrator is warning and taunting the Circus Sales Man at the same time, as though she’s trying to get him to do something, but at the same time, she’s picking on him for thinking that he was a match for her and all that she went through. She knows more about the circus, as it is her livelihood and she is not to be challenged on such matters.
Closing Graham Cracker - The circus sales man does not know what he has walked into. So many people in these songs walk into the Circus Freak’s life as though they can just take her circus that she created, but no. There are deep wounds inside of her and everyone else will feel the pain that runs inside of her, forever and ever and ever…
I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^
I will definitely listen to your suggestion and maybe change a few lines. thank you, that was helpful! you too!
I%u2019m glad I could help. You are very talented. ^v^
thanks!
You%u2019re welcome!
Hyyy hru? Great song once again and love the slight repetition and cool words! ^^
I can’t be arsed to write more so don’t bother me~
Edit:AHH STUPID SITE I HATE WHEN IT DOES THIS-
haha its fine ^^ I know this one needs work. And I also feel like no song will be good as the original so.... yeah. and don't worry about it though, I know how long reviews are to make.
No no no! It%u2019s doesn%u2019t need work, it%u2019s great and I love it! It%u2019s just I get lazy to read songs and annotate them, whereas short stories and normal texts I enjoy it! Yknow? It feels wrong annotating when I just wanna hear someone sing it~
Yeah sorry! I%u2019ll try and actually REVIEW more of ur works!!<333
I am terrible at singing so you wont hear it from me tho XD
AWWWWWWWW
how would you hear me sing anyways? we wont really have a chance since my parents are home on weekends and they get home when I get home from school. I mean, there's friday- but that's about it because I get the day off that day.
Yeah that is there ofc but still<3
I mean... do you wanna do a video call on Friday? 0_0 you'd get out of school as soon as mom leaves. would you get in trouble?
if you don't want to just let me know so I can stop bugging you about it -_- I've been asking and you've been... not answering. all you gotta do is say no here.
Ummm I want to but I can%u2019t really since I don%u2019t get my phone much and it depends when I manage to %u201Csneak%u201D it. Also, my parents are really protective, which is understandable.
I was not answering? I told you my Pinterest was not cooperating, I would see some of ur messages but it would not let me respond T^T
I will see on Friday and then we can decide to align times and stuff? Alr??
I meant on here too T^T and I'm probably free the entire day so it doesn't really matter about time. and OKIIIII. and you don't particularly need a phone I have an off-brand website that will probably be allowed on your compooter. idk if it will work since we're so far away, but yk-
OMG YAY ALR THEN LET US TRY!!
okiii-
Just PM me the website and stuff later on x