Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
They took, all the laughter
They took, all of the fun
I'm a, lamb to the slaughter
Screw this, pass me the gun
They tore, down my Circus Walls,
They packed, up my crew
Sure I'll, come when you call
But be warned, I'M COMING FOR YOU
~
Yeah, hey, it's a good day to be in hell!
(Hey!) blood drippin' down, so ring a bell
(Hey!) I think this bloody knife belongs to you
Seems it made me have a few loose screws
I found it in my back
Keep my sanity intact
Seems blood loss made my heart go slack
And as my vision fades to black
Circus Investor I'm coming, for, you
~
Revenge, is all I ask for
Get even, saw it down
Ain't enough, I bleed for more
Because I'll remember every sound
When you, scream in my ear
Or take someone I love away
I'm too deranged, don't come near
I'll stab your heart and leave you to decay
~
Yeah, hey, it's a good day to be in hell!
(Hey!) blood drippin' down, so ring a bell
(Hey!) I think this bloody knife belongs to you
Seems it made me have a few loose screws
I found it in my back
Keep my sanity intact
Seems blood loss made my heart go slack
And as my vision fades to black
Circus Investor I'm coming, for, you
~
Hold back your tears and put a smile on your face
Wear your mask, and let the knife confiscate
You always have to pay the price and wait
This is my life now, you're too late
~
Yeah, hey, it's a good day to be in hell!
(Hey!) blood drippin' down, so ring a bell
(Hey!) I think this bloody knife belongs to you
Seems it made me have a few loose screws
I found it in my back
Keep my sanity intact
Seems blood loss made my heart go slack
And as my vision fades to black
Circus Investor I'm coming, for, you
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello there, Akira! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The Circus Investor took away the Circus Freak’s circus, and she’s not very happy about it. She’s got her Circus Knife, prepared to leave a mess of blood and guts.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I personally don’t think that this song needs to be edited, but if you’d like to edit it, then do so.
Chocolate Bar - I like that the narrator is still looking for revenge even after everything that has happened. She’s not yet done with the Circus Investor, for she’s got her knife ready to fight. I also like how you described the blood loss as draining her heart, as the pain taking away any love that she had.
Closing Graham Cracker - This collection of circus songs seems to be more gory than the songs in the first collection. I like it! It shows that the character is feeling more wrathful and ready to end things with as much violence as she feels needs to happen. She’s got her knife, but this isn’t the end.
I wish you an amazing day/night! :>
Hey! Grim here, ready to s i n k my teeth into this new work by you! "Circus Knife"'s lyrics are as sharp as the knife that was in the protagonist's back! The anger, the betrayal, the desire for vengeance, oh boy! It's like the plot of a twisted carnival thriller, and I'm all about it. So let's break this down, shall we?
Favorite line(s):
"They took, all the laughter
They took, all of the fun
I'm a, lamb to the slaughter
Screw this, pass me the gun"
and
"I think this bloody knife belongs to you
Seems it made me have a few loose screws
I found it in my back"
These are some raw, edgy rhymes that are so vivid and intense, you can almost feel the knife twisting. The imagery is like a dark canvas painted with shades of red and despair. The Circus walls crumbling down, the loss of sanity, the heart turned slack from blood loss—it's all eerily palpable.
Some advice:
-(If you plan to ever add music with these lyrics) when it says "Revenge, is all I ask for," the beat could drop.
-The chorus, "Yeah, hey, it's a good day to be in hell!" is catchy but also a tad repetitive. Maybe play with the melody or add a bridge to keep it from becoming stale.
That's it! Keep on keepin' on!
-Grim
(Pppppssssss I love all the circus stuff you've been writing lately)
haha, thanks for the review and the advice ^^ this one is personally one of my favorites. I could almost hear the saxophone playing in the background.
for some reason my notifications no longer notify me when I get a review
oop that's not good
yeah, ik