Poison

Hia Hop! I’m pretty sure poems are outside of my usual wheelhouse and I had this on my list for a while now! (which fits the summary xd)

Ohh and I immediately love the imagery of glass and hammer and shattering! Well done (also super visceral!)

Aww and then the idea of picking up the pieces and gluing them together…!

Tho everything was so lyrical and meaningful that I was kinda stumped when you describe the “missing crystals”. As in… bc… glass is a crystal? With the broken promise filling the gap, I was kinda expecting something more substantial here? (Or maybe I just don’t get it?)

So, this is super interesting since the narrator speaks of being treated like a devil and being seen as untrustworthy but also acknowledges that they are the reason things don’t rly work out? (Unless they’re being flooded with toxic positivity “oh no, we can totally make this work, even if you feel trapped, here let me pick up the pieces”?)
But it also kinda reads like self-loathing as in “I am the bad influence and I watch you try and work things through and I do nothing” and… aww ☹

(Dang some of your other commenters had fire lines abt your poem I wish I were this good!)

I love this poem.
It quite reminds me of myself.

our love was like glass
and i took a hammer and smashed it
yet you still collect the shards
and piece it back together
with your bleeding hands

you fight for me, my roman soldier
refusing to give up even on the brink of death
no matter how i do you wrong
you still take me in

This is just Beautiful.

It reminds me of the struggles that we all go through, but it also made me think about love and how much we all crave to have a person that won't shy away from the uglies underneath.

This poem also made me think about friendships and how it is so important to have people that look out for you.

Keep writing these there are amazing!!!!!!!!!!!1

The poem beautifully captures the struggles of someone who, despite their partner wanting to distance themselves, continues to try. However, no matter how hard they try, the relationship is doomed because the feelings aren't reciprocated. The relationship falls down like the Roman Empire.

This is so melancholic i absolutely love it . Please keep on going !!🪴

guurl this is amazing!!!

🤓

Your poem is somewhat shocking. You describe the relationship as if you wanted to end it, destroying it, but only one person is willing to sacrifice themselves to take this relationship to the end, even knowing that it could be their own end. You self-destruct, in the good metaphor of the Roman Empire, but you let another person destroy themselves with you. It's sad, but it's real. I don't have much to say about the structure and writing methods used, as I believe yours fits perfectly into the idea of ​​a short and cold poem.

I feel like this part could be rephrased a little. The “glass” metaphor is nice, but maybe it could show that the love was already fragile and could have fallen apart even without the speaker intentionally smashing it.

This poem represents how, no matter how badly you act or how much you hurt someone, your “Roman soldier” — your lover — still finds the courage to rebuild the relationship. That’s honestly really sweet, especially because the speaker acknowledges and understands the effort being made to keep them together. I also like how the Roman Empire metaphor carries through the poem and represents the relationship itself.

Though, I do think the effort should be mutual. One person shouldn’t always have to pick up the pieces and rebuild everything alone. Still, the fact that the speaker recognizes their partner’s efforts makes the poem feel self-aware and bittersweet.