Setting: KIT MILLER'S bedroom
(KIT, a girl full on sugar and even fuller on fun is watching cartoons on her little pink television. She is full on both adrenaline and excitement when suddenly her favorite cartoon series, "Fun and Jellybeans" changes to the news station.)
KIT
WHAT! NOOOOO! MY JELLYBEANS! (glares at the television) Hmph, what's so important that they had to interrupt my precious Jellybean show?
NEWS REPORTER (on screen)
Breaking news! By order of the president, we're pausing your regular television to bring you an exclusive interview with two fantastic bakers: Surge and Vex... uh... Libur...ti...gibble?
SURGE
It is Liburti-gibben! Not Liburtigibble! (His face turning red) Have some respect!
REPORTER
(coughs embarrassedly) Ah, apologies. Yes, it's Liburtigibben, right. (smiles awkwardly) Anyways, we're here with the bakers who have amazed America with their absolutely delicious, super sugary sugar cookies! (turns to the brothers) Any comments?
VEX
Yes! Our cookies are--
SURGE (Jumping in front of the camera)
Really nothing much. Just a little recipe our good ol' mama made up. (Grins nervously)
VEX
(nods enthusiastically) Yup, what Surge said! Our cookies aren't suspicious at all, they're too good to be poisonous! In fact, you all should try them today!
SURGE
Yep! That's actually our slogan! "Too good to be poisonous!" (Elbows VEX in the stomach.)
(VEX, slightly annoyed, elbows his brother back. The cycle then continues until they begin throwing rapid punches at one another.)
REPORTER
(looks worriedly at the bakers) Ahem. Eh-excuse me? (the brothers ignore the reporter, the reporter hurriedly signals somebody off-camera) Well that's about it for this broadcast, thanks for watching, everyone! It's back to your regularly-scheduled airtime. (waves at the camera, then glances concernedly at the brothers)
(The "Fun and Jellybeans" cartoon starts playing again)
KIT
Hmm... that was weird. (frowns at the television) Especially the "too good to be poisonous" thing... (she picks up her phone and calls SEBASTIAN) Hey, did you see that news broadcast? The one with the strange bakers?
SEBASTIAN WHITE
Yep. It interrupted me in the middle of the new game I just got! "Fun and Jellybeans 3: Return of the Gumballs."
KIT
Aww that's a bummer. The news thing cut off my "Fun and Jellybeans" cartoon too, Season 10 Episode 7.
SEBASTIAN
Oooo! I haven't watched that one yet! Was it good?
KIT
Oh yeah, definitely! You should totally watch it. But sadly it got interrupted right in the middle... speaking of which... What'd you think about the bake sale people?
SEBASTIAN
Oh them? They were a little questionable. But to be fair, almost everything on TV is questionable.
KIT
Ah, that's true. I don't know, though... Those brothers seem even more suspicious than the usual TV stuff. Like, "too good to be poisonous"? Who thinks of poison when eating cookies?
SEBASTIAN
Gus might. He is always a bit anxious about that kind of stuff.
KIT
You're right, he is. Should we all meet up at the park and talk about the news? I feel like something strange is going on...
SEBASTIAN
Sure. What time do you think?
KIT
I can get there in ten minutes, tops. Can you call Gus and check if he's free?
SEBASTIAN
Ok. (Hangs up and calls GUS.) Hey Gus. Did you see the news?
GUS GRANSON
Yep. It interrupted my-
SEBASTIAN
Let me guess. Fun and Jellybeans?
GUS
No, I was going to say nap.
SEBASTIAN
Oh. Well anyways can you meet me and Kit in the park in ten?
GUS
Sure. I could use the exercise anyway.
SEBASTIAN
I think you could use a bit more than a five minute walk but that's great! I'll see you then!
GUS
See you.
(SEBASTIAN hangs up the phone and calls Kit back)
KIT
So, what'd Gus say?
SEBASTIAN
He says that works.
KIT
Awesome! I'll catch you guys at the park, then! (hangs up)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,748 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well this was quite an exciting direction here...it looks like maybe we're forming some kind of team of protagonists here maybe...I don't know for sure...but it was definitely just as fun to read as the other parts of this.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Aaahhh...not the jellybeans...oh dear...truly an evil plan indeed.
Oh dear....I'm sure the reporter didn't mean that...
Hmm...well those two clearly didn't quite plan out this interview I see...although I'm sure absolutely no one will find any of it suspicious in anyway here.
Ahh...I am almost falling off my chair laughing at this point, this is too much fun to read here.
Jellybeans have returned....woo hoo.
That definitely sounds like a great game....
Clearly this is the important topic in the conversation.
Well that statement is eerily true these days....
Hmm...I guess this is the gang that will be attempting to save the world from our valiant evil bakers...
Meetings about situations like this are always a lot of fun to read about...can't wait to see what comes up here.
Well that is a fun little twist, keeps that little joke from getting old there and I think that's really good to see.
Well...someone's being quite honest there I see...
Well the hero team is setting up I see...team evil cookies vs team jellybeans...I can imagine the epic battles to come.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think this was also really funny and I'm loving the direction this is going. Can't wait to get around to reading and reviewing the next part of this.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks so much for the review!! ^-^
Yay, that's awesome!! :D
Haha yes, those names are perfect!! XD
Once again, thanks for the review, and stay awesome!!
Once again you amaze me. This new act is just what the story needed to get it moving. Before this no one questioned the aliens and their plot to take over the world, but now the kids are starting to feel like it is all very suspicious. although this is beautifully written, i have a few comments. for the news program I think you could have elaborated more. What is the scene like, what are the facial expressions of the characters, ect. I also think that the aliens need a bit more of description. what are their personalities like, what do they look like, ect. Anyway this story is wonderfully written with just the right amount of sarcasm.
your friend
Emivanz
Hi Emivanz, thanks for the review!! Those are some great points, especially the part about needing some more description; we'll keep that in mind! Have an awesome day/night! C:
Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,
Mailice here with a short review!
This very beginning gave me a very big smile. Not only is it very satirical in a way, it's also a good, humorous introduction to the story.
A script can't do without these brief asides. It would read much worse if these notes in brackets were not there. I think it's good that you include this element almost everywhere, because firstly it's very important for the reader to know in which context and with which emotion the person is speaking, but also to give the story this authenticity. I just really liked the scene here, because I imagine the drops of sweat running down his face and he's looking around frantically with a sign in his hands "Totally not suspicious."
xD
This is true and stands out from the previous humour. It's great that not every single sentence has to be made with wit.
I really like Kit and how you managed to add a bit of her character with Kit's dialogue.
On the one hand, I like the transition from one phone to the other here to give a clean changeover, but it would probably be better if you had made a quick note there, like "scene change" Sebastian in his room. The theme tune of his video game can be heard in the background or something like that. Even if it's only for two or three dialogues, you add the point of the scene change so that the reader can also imagine it.
I really liked the third act. I don't know what makes me smile so much when I read it, but I like it and I'm glad you were able to keep up the humour from the last two acts. The dialogue is funny but not too over the top and you can't help but take the characters to your heart for the way they are.
Keep writing with this enthusiasm!
Mailice.
Thanks for the review, Mailice! ^-^
Yes, exactly!! The way you phrased that is so funny and perfect too! XDD
Ooh okay, that's a good idea. Thanks for the helpful feedback!! C:
We will! ^-^ And I hope you keep reviewing with this enthusiasm too; you're amazing! :DD
Hello. Here for a review. It was extremely funny. They are on their way to control the world, I see. Why are the people not understanding– those surge and vex are also foolish. They are literally telling that too good to be poisonous and the people are not understanding! I really liked the scene of that elbow kicking.
It will be interrupted.
Same case.
I didn't get these lines.
Overall, a very good work. Umm... Will they get caught?? I think so.
–ForeverYoung299
Oh, for the walking bit, we were trying to show that Gus isn't very healthy because he's eating without exercising enough, to kind of build his character. And good catch for the typos! Thanks for the review! ^-^
Ooh. I get it.
Yay great! :D
Check out the other acts too, if you haven't already! ^-^
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(This is Act 3!)
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 4