Young Writers Society

omg i love this book

Hey, Aurora99, there wasn't anything I could say, except for this:

This is very minor, and you don't need to correct it at all. Just, for me, "apologising" is "apologizing".

This beautifully written; if you have any other works, let me know!

I think we're awesome, are we not?,
Wisegirl22

Hi, there! I read your story and really liked it. It was bitter-sweet, which is kind of nice. I like the way you write and and the story was well done. The fact that it was based on non-fiction events, Daniel seems like a nice, sweet guy. If it were a fiction book, I'd love to get to know the characters more and learn more about their backstory. The fight that they had, what led up to it and of the things that were said, what was true and what was just an overreaction? How did they meet? What makes them work or not work? Are fights a rare thing between them or do they have to put a lot of effort into making things work. Based on the little bit I got of how they care about each other, I like their relationship. If you added more onto it, I'd gladly read it. Keep up the good work!

Hey there Aurora! Scarlet here too review!

Usually I don't care much for stuff like this but this time, it caught my attention right off the bat.

I love the drama! I love drama in general, any kind really.

You did a good job with this and that it's based off something that happened to YOU, is just as amazing
It's rather sweet and mellow. I like how it ends and I wish you and your best-friend the best of luck in your relationship.

The only possible mistake I see is in this sentence:

He walks to the door. "Gladly." Right before he slams the door shut behind him, he says, "This time, I won't be the one {apologising}."

Unless your British than it would make sense. Different words are spelled differently in other countries.

This work was rather emotional, I found myself brimming with tears at the ending but I caught up just in time to pull myself together! You did a wonderful job with this.

Keep Writing!



Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde


Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

Hello, Aurora!

Since this is a real event, I must say that you have much drama in your life. It's good, it's nice. Better than having no drama at all, like me. I know that many of the things that happen to us are not happy or positive, as you have just shared with us, but it's nice to see an ending that is. We learn from our own experiences, bad and good, and that makes life worthy.

About the story, or anecdote, I think it needs to be told a bit more profound; what happening is simple, but the characters, or you and your best friend, are not presented in a way that we can define them. It is always nice a little bit of mystery in a story, not having everything explained to you, but to catch the reader's attention, the characters need to have a personality of their own that we can interpret, or even identify ourselves with. You could have added some details about their lives, previous to their conversation. In that way, we would have understood why they argued the way they did, or why they felt the way they do.

It was a nice reading, and thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work!

Hey~
Aley here!

I think you've done a good job at catching reality here. The sun and stars don't align when people are sad to make it rain. They don't stop sunsets, or mail because you've had a rough day either. I like that you added that bit of realism into this short story and allowed us glimpses of that life.

At the same time, there are some things in this that are too realistic, if that's possible to believe. Life, unlike fiction, doesn't follow a consecutive pattern, or always have motives, or make sense. Fiction typically does. I think since this is a snap of reality, we need to define what makes fiction fiction instead of a historical diary entry. For me that point is consecutive events, and the importance of events. If it's not important that your family lives in a mansion, then don't say it. If it's not important that the bills are piling up, then don't say it. Only add what is important to the story in the story. You can add little things and work them into the story later, like if bills are stacking up, have your main character go inside to a totally trashed house to symbolize how life has gotten away from her, but don't make it personal.

People don't care as much about real life, as they do about interesting stuff, and making everything mean something. That being said, just BASE things on reality, and take out things that don't put the cause forward.

To make this story better in my opinion, you'd need to limit down all of the different details you include. Only talk about what really matters, and add things that you want to be symbolic or important to the character in general. Does it matter what was in the mail, or does it matter that there was mail? Did she even really read the mail?

Take a step back from this and decide for yourself what is going to make your point clear. If your point is that life works out in the end, or that true love is always going to be there for you, then talk more about the father, or another instance where this happened.

A tip a creative writing instructor gave my class was this: Don't give your characters the easy way out. I think you could take this in strides here. I'm not saying torture her, but is she accepting him back into her life because she's too weak to tell him no, or because he's better than the argument? Don't think about her as anyone but a character and make an argument about something. That's going to make this more interesting, even if it does change the story.

All in all, I'd suggest keeping this draft and writing the story again changing things in minor ways. Play with the ending, play with what you include, and what you don't include. Perhaps one time go through the flash back instead of flashing back to it, then condense time, or time skip to show him coming back. Most of all, like I usually suggest, Explore your options! I think you've got a great set of characters here, and a good setting, so work with that and explore.

This review courtesy of

Hey there, Knight Aurora! I figure it's time that I pay you back a bit for all the good work that you've put into review with the After Watch. So let's get down to it.

I am trying to decide whether I appreciate that you don't come right out and say that she was SO INCREDIBLY worried about him leaving because maybe last time he left she discovered he'd tried to commit suicide, or whether you need to make it a little more clear. I think the reason I'm not sure is because I'm not quite sure that's actually what happened last time. You mention that maybe he tried to commit suicide over a girl before, but you don't mention if it happened after a fight they had before or something, so I'm not sure if I'm creating extra reason where there isn't any.

If that's not the case, you should tell us why Aurora is so worried when he leaves. People fight and leave all the time, and what makes her worried? What makes he say "Not... Not after what happened"? Is she just saying don't leave after a bad fight, or referring to a specific time?

Lastly, I think that last paragraph is a little bit unbelievable. I believed everything (well, besides people calling each other sweetheart while they're fighting -- when I hear that in my head I hear them being very vicious, condescending, and hateful, and I don't think that's quite as bad as they were) but I didn't believe that their relationship as friends would end with "I promise that I will never leave you again", and I feel like people in modern times don't "swear" things -- it just seemed over romanticized and I would rather see the subtle reveal of true feelings instead of the romantic music-swelling movie kind of reveal, know what I mean?

Make them real. Real characters aren't perfect. They don't say precisely what you'd want them to say, right?

Anyway, I think especially working with the potential dynamic of being afraid of repeating past dangerous actions, that this is a lovely little slice into a certain emotion. Work a little more on it!

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you!

PM me if you have any questions or comments about this review, or just reply to the review here if you'd like.

Good luck and keep writing!

This review courtesy of

Aw, this was super sweet! It made me smile
So here's just a few things I saw. There wasn't many, but this is what I noticed.

"You can't leave like that! Not... Not after what happened. Promise me. Promise me you'll. ever leave again. Please. Please, just promise."
-Just a typo here I think. Where it says 'Promise me you'll. ever leave again.' I'm guessing you meant to say 'Promise me you'll never ever leave again.'

At the beginning, I kind of wish you had started out with something a bit more strong.

I go outside to get the mail. Staring back at my family's huge mansion, I feel a pang of loneliness. Shuffling my feet, I unlock the mailbox and look at what there was. Bill, bill, a letter for my father, and more bills.

Maybe if you were even a bit more descriptive with the beginning, it would make it much more enjoyable for the reader. Something like -
Slowly lifting myself from my couches warm embrace, I leave the family room and head outside to the mailbox. Once outside, I stared back at my family's huge mansion. With the house towering over me, I couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness.

Just an idea.

Overall, it was really good though! I enjoyed reading.
Keep writing!