Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
She came on to me
With a wild look in her eye
I didn't even ask why
Before I could finally see
.
We made sweet, sweet love
While the others were about
And when she began to cry out
It was like a gift from above
.
We did it again and again
Every day for a week
On Wednesay we did it twice, it was our peak
It did not matter where or when
.
Soon, others went to bat
And Ashley got passed around
The raise she got was money she 'found'
Then someone told Matt
.
Apparently it wasn't only here
I swear I had no idea
And in fear of getting gonorrhea
I fired her, made her disappear
.
I knew she had a kid,
A daughter, fairly young
I knew it must've stung
But I had to do it, so I did
.
A few years later
I heard what had happened
What I heard was greater
Than any evil I imagined
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137,626 Literary Works • 672,053 Reviews
Hey.
On the whole, I find this work to be rather childish. Which is a shame, because it had the potential to be really good. It's interesting the way you decided to portray such a serious issue. In a way, I find the whole exposition of this to be quite confusing.
Good even stanza lengths, good diction and language structure... all the key technical factors are there but at the same time... it's the way you've written about it that makes it seem silly.
This stanza in particular. I know it's about the character trying to protect their reputation, but I just don't think it fits.
Keep writing.
~BSF
It's all part of a story I've concocted. The confusing parts all have a hand in my story. Just wait.
Beautiful! Short and sweet, but deep and packed with meaning. You aren't afraid to write about yourself. This poem is very well written,and I enjoyed it very much.
What to say about something so blatantly obvious but also subtle in ways?
For starters, your concept is interesting and not something that many people could comfortably approach as you've done. I think it was brave of you to tackle a controversial subject like prostitution (I assume that's what's going on here. At least, that's how I perceive it, but if the meaning actually went straight over my head then... meh. I tried).
I find that poetry is meant to have many layers to it. I'd love to see a bit more details as to what the characters are thinking; maybe have to poem be not as objective.
But all in all, it was enjoyable to read and wasn't bored throughout any of it.
Keep it up. I'd love to read more =)
Thanks! It's a part of a series of poems, all of which will be tied together to form a story. You should read what I've got so far, along with what's coming.