Let’s take a look right now
At your life from the past year.
You got that big promotion
And an expensive, new car.
But the highlight of this year
Could have only been her.
She made your life complete;
She filled your empty soul.
You were there for her no matter what,
And she was there for you in turn.
You had your laughs, crying spats,
And nights that never seemed to end.
Everything about her warms you up.
Her big smile, her sweet voice,
And the way she looks at you.
But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
And I know what you’re thinking;
I saw you in that jewelry store.
You want to lock her up forever
And make sure she never leaves you.
Not that she would ever want to;
You just want to make sure.
Well, I want to say good luck,
And to go get her, quit talking to me!
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Honestly, i don't know what to say. You literally made me speechless. In a good way don't get me wrong, the speakers emotion caused me to read over their thoughts over and over finding a new meaning each time which is brilliant. Your imagery and simple details brought this piece together flawlessly. You pretty much nailed how to prose" GO GIT HER!" if i had to pick a favorite line i would ahve to say it would be this.
'She made your life complete;
She filled your empty soul.'
Just becuase of the simplistic of how lvoe makes you feel, the other is all you think that would ever make you whole again.
Well done and keep writing!
Honestly, I'm not quite sure what to make of this. But by all means, that is in no way a bad thing. You should take it as a compliment that you were able to leave me speechless! (I didn't mean for that to sound like I'm someone to impress. Sorry if it came of that way.)
But in little words, I like this poem.
It's not overly poetic like most "romance" style poems tend to be.
My only issue with it is, it sort off sounds like a story or letter. But not overly so. It's still poetic enough to sound like poetry.
Good job, with this.
Good Luck To You.
That was something else. You are obviously trying to get this guy to get a grip and go after the woman he loves, but you have done it in such a creative, poetic fashion. Although--even as a guy--I don't like the idea of locking up a woman and keeping her for myself. I'd rather a woman fall in love with me knowing that I would never rob her of her free spirit. The only thing I would ask of that woman was her faithfulness. Those things being said, I would like to point a few things out. In a poem, people like to look for imagery. Don't get me wrong, your poem is great, and I believe that it could be embellished with more indirect imagery. You know get your point across, but be implicit about it. You could use personification or whatever comes to mind that you feel could provoke thought. It would be the way that you would like it, but also it could give others a different feel. Also--now I might just be nagging--I had trouble finding a rhyming scheme. Poetry does not require words that rhyme, but another scheme you could go for is an ongoing pattern of syllable count. Like each stanza would not necessarily have words that rhyme, but have the same about of syllables for each line.
All in all, great poem. I am interested in reading more.