To Those Of You Who Helped Me Die

Hello wtppowers,

You've got the plot down, that's for sure. I don't really think this is lacking in terms of what's happening in the story. I think you've got a good idea of how to deal with the narrative part of poetry, for sure.

For me the polish on this is going to be working in your italicized lines. I think if you could make this just the letter, then we'd get a really cool result. You could even leave them italicized if you wanted to, and just put them in during the girl's discussion about how alone she feels and why she's doing this. The more unified you make this the better it's going to get.

The reason I say that is because there's a balance between specific and universal in poetry, and right now this is sort of in the middle. I'd like to see it more on the specific side. You start doing it with things like "a big, gaping hole beside my ear" because that's down to this one event. It's not going to happen to a lot of people like that, it's just this event. You have it again when you have the specific list of things that people have said, but because it's not incorporated into the body of the poem, it feels less personal. Make it personal for your main character! Write down names, write down what they said, accuse them to their face. That's going to be how we get the characterizations in your story, and that's how we're going to really get to feel all of the emotion.

Aside form that, I'd suggest working with punctuation in this. You have two ways you can go. You can either load in a ton, or take it all out. Right now because the sentences are so minute, I'd say add in punctuation that way we know when the sentence is ending and when it is going to be a complex sentence.

As always, variety is the spice of life, so see how much variety you can stick in the poem. The best way I can suggest you do that is to use specific examples with clear details and direct relationships. Don't fall into navel gazing, where your entire poem is "I feel so alone..." but work through "I wonder who is going to find me here, a big, gaping hole beside my ear." and keep going with that idea. Run away with descriptors!

I would have to say my favorite thing about this poem is the voice. She's just so "Dude, you stink" right now that I wouldn't change that for the world. "I'm not running away from life, I'm running away from you jerks."

Work on keeping the variety up, and perhaps integrate what these jerks have said to her so that when we get to the next part of this poem, we know who is who and what sort of jerk they are.

-Aley

Wow, this is amazing. You do a great job of expressing your feelings in this poem. It really sums up how I think a lot of people feel about suicide. (I've been there, too. Stay strong.) Amazing poetry, and keep up the good work. I love the emotion in this.