The Pirate Queen: Chapter 9

Here for more~

Okay, so. Seeing things from Tristan's point of view is nice. It shows us how much he cares for Arianna and how deep his emotions run. Although it does clash with the previous chapter, when he slept with another girl because she was gone for too long. Hmm. I suppose we'll see how this works out.

I think the scene with Selene was a little over-the-top. First thing I remember from Pirates of the Caribbean is you don't go back for a lost pirate. So what she said was true but then she goes to insult her captain, surrounded on a ship full of people loyal to her? And seeing as how she saved the girl from prostitution, well. Stupid move, but then again, you always have at least one turncoat in a story.

No, my problem was the sudden string of insults she spat out. Plus, I don't like her using the term "Captain Bitch." Seems too modern of an insult. You think she'd use some pirate slang or whatnot. Plus, the hatred came from nowhere. I feel that it was a bit forced, but maybe that's just me.

And then we see that Arianna is a princess of sorts? Oh, my, and she doesn't even know it? I'm not sure how I feel about that, honestly. I suppose we shall see how it turns out.

Off to read the last bit and be caught up.

~Iggy

Hey aurora. So at first I was confused and didn't know whose point of view this was, I thought it was the brothers', but you soon cleared that up, seeing I think Arianna has two brothers, one of whom is in an incestuous relationship with her? Or wait this so actually the point of view of two people. Ha. That makes sense.

Most of the younger cabin boys, and even some of the older crew members are asleep, so I lay my head on the stone and abandon myself to the darkness.

I wake with a start at dawn and look frantically for Ari.

I shake Selena awake and shoot her a glance that says, Where the hell is she? She shrugs and gives the horizon a worried look.

I bend down and whisper in her ear. "Stay here and look for food and water. I'll go search for her."

"She's more than a captain to me, Selena."

It's my turn to roll my eyes. "Actually, Selena, I think that's what we are supposed to do."

"Well, you know what I think of her. I'm here only because I'm bought and paid for by Captain Bitch."

The scrape of steel on steel wakes a few of the crew and they clear away, giving us space to fight.

They must have learned over the years not to try and break up fights, sailing with Arianna.

Selena stands and looks at me as if I'm only an annoyance, a pesky fly that won't go away. "I suggest you change your mind about our captain in the next minute, or who knows? My arm might develop an awful twitch."

I salute her with my sword and lunge forward, eager to get my anger and concerns out.

I yawn, bored with the repetitive happenings of royal court. A councilor catches my eye and takes a fearful step towards me. I beckon him forward, and he brings me a file and bows.

"Your highness. Are you well?"

"So what do they want?" We talk in hushed whispers so that the rest of the court can't hear.

"We believe that they want a change in the succession." My blood boils.

"Your highness, there have been recent sightings of your half sister."

I stand abruptly. "Then my throne is in danger?"

"Not necessarily. These are all only rumours. We plan not to take any action until they are confirmed."

"Of course, your highness."

Hi, ma'am! My name is pinkiegirl13! I like to review your story if you want me to.

Well, I see Noelle did the dialogue part. Maybe I do something else: the story.

I love the story! I enjoyed this story very much! I love how you tell the stories of each character. I also love how you bring the characters to real life in my mind. It is like a movie to as it plays over and over in mind. However, you need to put balance the dialogue with descriptions like Noelle says. But I do love the story! I hope to read more from you or this story! Take care and keep on writing!

Awesome Job!

Cheers

your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13

P.S.: Happy May Review Day!

Hi there! I'm back and all caught up! Weeeee!

So now we're jumping into other people's perspectives. Interesting. But I'm so mad that you've left us hanging with Arianna! What the heck, dude? I want to know what's going on with her and Salain! Alright, alright, I'm calm.

There's one thing that I will discuss about this chapter: dialogue. Yeah, I know, I've been harping on you about dialogue for the last three chapters. But I can use this chapter as a great example.

The first half of the chapter where it's in Tristan's perspective is great. You have dialogue when it's needed and the rest of the time you have description. And by description I mean something other than dialogue. We really get to see how Tristan reacts to things and how he feels about them. We don't just listen to him talk, we know why he's saying what he's saying.

And then when you switch to the prince's POV, it changes. You have a lot of dialogue and almost no description. I would've loved to know more about what the prince was thinking and what his half sister did to make her a criminal. How does he feel about his throne being in danger? He stands abruptly when he hears the news, but that's not enough. Where's the sadness, the panic? Where are the crazy ideas that will never work running through his mind? You really have to dig into your character's emotions and then the descriptions will come.

So as you move forward with this novel, try to really balance out the dialogue with the descriptions. Use dialogue when it's absolutely needed, but make sure to sprinkle in some descriptions between dialogue too.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**