Young Writers Society

So if I understood this correctly, this is aimed towards a father that was absent through the narrator's life? If so, then I can relate.

I can't really critique this because, from what I see, it doesn't require criticism. It was well written, with lost of powerful imagery and descriptive details. You clearly conveyed your message, which was that of an imaginary father. I assume this is talking about an absent dad, because you say "planted the seed and never came back."

Though I could be wrong, since you talk about the earth as a mother who proudly boasts about her children. Not entirely sure how the earth is like a mother, unless you're referring to society being her children. If so, then I'm lost on the overall meaning of this. Sorry xD

But I don't really care about the overall message, because this was really good. It was well written, with a strong flow and breezy pacing and beautifully detailed words that tell us a story by painting the images for us. It was overall a pleasure to read and I enjoyed it quite a lot! ^^

QuietQuilla desu!

Overwhelming, I loved this.

"Dream Father, I saw your fire and thought it insanity

For the colours of your fire

Showed us that the world like a proud mother

Boasted that it had birthed its flame-children"

This, I feel, is intimidating and dramatic; it calls out the the so called "Dream Father" and can't recall any answer...maybe.

"So if my testament arouses your anger, let it be,

For you have slept too close at the lair of hypocrisy

And I seek to drink deep once more,

Of the cup of insanity..."

I'm not sure I could've caught the depth of this poem at my level, but I understand it exactly.
This poem is amazing the "Father" abandoned "us," yet there is confict with the very thing he turn away from... I can't even fudging type right. I'm shaking.
Dude, bro, bra--whatever you are you rock!

Waiting for more and will be reviewing your past works!!