To the father of our dreams
Whose last words were to ‘’tend our flames’’
Here is my flame extending to your fire.
Dream Father, I saw your fire and thought it insanity
For the colours of your fire
Showed us that the world like a proud mother
Boasted that it had birthed its flame-children
Only that their glow was blanch, sapped of every ounce of ‘it’.
In your fire we watched as the world crucified its muse
And my theory of your insanity lies in this fact:
That you set out with the colours of your fire
Teaching flame-children to resurrect their muse.
However, now that I have become a disciple,
I glory in the insanity we share.
My only reservation is that you left us dream father,
You planted the seed and never came back
To check if those flames have become fire.
You left me, dream father and now that insanity we once shared
Moans, slowly waning into sanity...
So if my testament arouses your anger, let it be,
For you have slept too close at the lair of hypocrisy
And I seek to drink deep once more,
Of the cup of insanity...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
So if I understood this correctly, this is aimed towards a father that was absent through the narrator's life? If so, then I can relate.
I can't really critique this because, from what I see, it doesn't require criticism. It was well written, with lost of powerful imagery and descriptive details. You clearly conveyed your message, which was that of an imaginary father. I assume this is talking about an absent dad, because you say "planted the seed and never came back."
Though I could be wrong, since you talk about the earth as a mother who proudly boasts about her children. Not entirely sure how the earth is like a mother, unless you're referring to society being her children. If so, then I'm lost on the overall meaning of this. Sorry xD
But I don't really care about the overall message, because this was really good. It was well written, with a strong flow and breezy pacing and beautifully detailed words that tell us a story by painting the images for us. It was overall a pleasure to read and I enjoyed it quite a lot! ^^
QuietQuilla desu!
Overwhelming, I loved this.
"Dream Father, I saw your fire and thought it insanity
For the colours of your fire
Showed us that the world like a proud mother
Boasted that it had birthed its flame-children"
This, I feel, is intimidating and dramatic; it calls out the the so called "Dream Father" and can't recall any answer...maybe.
"So if my testament arouses your anger, let it be,
For you have slept too close at the lair of hypocrisy
And I seek to drink deep once more,
Of the cup of insanity..."
I'm not sure I could've caught the depth of this poem at my level, but I understand it exactly.
This poem is amazing the "Father" abandoned "us," yet there is confict with the very thing he turn away from... I can't even fudging type right. I'm shaking.
Dude, bro, bra--whatever you are you rock!
Waiting for more and will be reviewing your past works!!