Something Different

by Temi

Published September 15, 2011

In Poems

T.J. Alufa


It’s funny!
My so-called love
Now a figment
Of my imagination.

It was right in front of me
Glaring at me
God! I could even
Grab it.

But now,
It’s torn apart and shattered.
Transformed,
From a love in the past,
To that hatred
I now accept.

But then again
Was it really love
Or just lust?

I look at myself
Stripped of all I Know
My cold feet
Scrapes the floor
Poverty smirking at me.

I can only rock back and forward
As the voice of my so-called lover
Glides across my heart
With a hint of mockery, somewhere

Wow! It is funny!
Because death
Looks enticing and pleasurable
Or maybe
It’s a figment of my imagination.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Adriana
Review
Adriana wrote a review Review · Sep 15, 2011

Good job!
Well, I really think there should be a little more punctuation in your poem. Sometimes it is hard to understand what you are trying to say, or what you are trying to put emphasis on.
But I really liked your poem. It is simple, short, and seems to flow without any effort. And the fact that words don't rhyme only makes it even better.
Congratulations!

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · Sep 15, 2011

Hi there!

I enjoyed reading this poem. It has good imagery and I can definitely feel the emotion in this. The flow of this is good too, there's not place I could find that the flow faltered. There's a couple comments/corrections that I have:

Of my imaginations.

Shouldn't this be imagination?

But now,
It’s torn apart and shattered
Transformed
From a love in the past
To that hatredI now accept.

There should be some more punctuation in this stanza. Right now, it just keeps going and doesn't stop. There's no pause where there should be and the reader can't figure out which words you're putting the emphasis on.

Strip of all I Know

It should be stripped, right?

Overall I liked this piece. If you fix a couple of tiny thingd, it'll be great. Keep writing! :)



i think. i want to become. something.
— chrysanthemumcentury