Wish a curse...

Hi there :9 I'm here to review your piece

I think it is great. It is a really unique poem. It is very dark and mysterious. I like that a lot!

I like that there are three stanzas, short and simple, but very powerful. It really has a certain emotion to it, something dangerous. That is great

I didn't completely get what the message of this poem was, maybe you can try making that clearer?:)

But I really love the language in this piece, the way you worded the poem. It is beautiful. Well done!

I like the ending, very powerful and a bit dark. I really like the darkness of this poem

Great piece, amazing job! I look forward to reading more of your stuff Just keep writing

Ooooo! An eerie poem. Time to review mwhuhuhu.
So, I would like to address one thing first, who, just who is Delilah? There is no previous mention, of him or her and no future mention either! It just so vexing every time I read it over. Was this a person who has t be imagined by the reader, or a specific person, character, etc?
Anyway, enough about the mystery person, and on with this review.
The poem is kind of hard for me to follow. I don't know of its just a random poem written out of anger and the repression of it, or if it has any sort of special meaning.
What I'm trying to say is, the on,y mistake this poem has (in my eyes) is that it's too enigmatic even for me to understand or appreciate. I like the poem nonetheless. You have earned it.
Keep on writing
~The dark one

I like the poem I found it interesting I can't wait to read more of your work. What's the committed sin? Could you use it in your poem? Again I can't wait to read more of your work forgive me I'm new at the reviews.

This is a very dark poem!
You certainly have a very good idea of your poem. Especially by adding an interjection ("Quick!") and adding a sub phrase ("A little price....") that helps captivate the reader.

You also mystify the reader by not providing the specifics, so I am guessing that this poem is mainly for rhetorical purposes. I like your vocabulary and I commend you for the imagery that you present!

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what exactly it's missing,I would suggest some more elaboration in the middle of this poem.

Very good overall.

Hi Temi,

Welcome back then! I liked this poem although it left me wondering what the committed sin was! It'd be nice if you could mention it somewhere, to bring this poem closer to the reader.

It had a lovely flow and daunting feeling to it, which is good for such a grave poem. I especially liked the last two lines, "in the grave where you belong." It feels final, as if you can't wait for the person to get there. Which suites the entire mood of this poem. There was a place where the rhythm of the poem was disturbed a bit.

"To know that to satisfy a desire"
The repeat of "to" smashes up the rhythm. My suggestion is:
Knowing that satisfying a desire.
It cancels out the two "to's" and also keeps the sentence the same. You might want to do it differently of course. It is your poem

"A little price....
Just your soul"

What I didn't like about this part was that the sentence above just repeats the word "price" again. I suggest changing this one to payment. "A little payment ... (make sure there is a gap and it's only three dots That's my perfectionist side coming in...) Just like your soul."
What I liked about those two lines, though, was that it implied the sinners soul was cheap and small. Which was creative and thoughtful. I like small hidden meanings that in general help to make the poem more intriguing and memorable.

Keep writing!

Deanie x

Ooh. Nice! I love the subject matter. You defiantly portray the right feeling to go along with it.
I like how you formatted this, and even though you didn't really add rhymes it still flows nicely.

One thing I would suggest is that you try to add a bit more length to this. It is good how it is, but I think you could build more emotion and more imagery by adding a bit more to it.
I do like how you ended it, though. Simple, to the point. I like it.

I like the story you tell in this poem here.

Although, you should add more punctuation. It flows pretty well already, but I think by adding commas on some of the ends of the sentences would help.
Example...

Quote:
"I tell you this,
The world is darkness,
Sprinkled with rusting stars,
Corroded by temptation.
Stars that shine,
With the tendrils of iniquity."
End Quote

I love the vocabulary you used in this piece! It is exquisite!

Keep it up!

~Rainn