Love is curtailed by secret demands
Of the elixir of abundance.
She groans to her disciple
Telling them that abundance
Is her pre-requiste
The key that chains her soul
The black man that ravished her red.
She was raised by the un-written
Yes! I too attest to this.
But in the garden
She too saw that red was colour.
Ignorance is innocence
To know is to be damned.
The security officer behind me
Wants to lick the syrup
That pours out of love's bosom
Alas! all he tastes is bitterness.
Defeated, he crawls back
To the hut of abundance...
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140,745 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
First off wow. I feel like you did an amazing job with the placing of your line brakes. I love your word choices too. I feel like the way that you also placed each line and word also makes the poem.
One of my favorite lines from your poem is " she was raised by the un-written " I feel like that line just highlights the poem and flows with the feel of it so well. Another thing that I like about your poem is the ending of it. I feel like your power really did flow and go through the whole poem until the very end.
In all I loved your poem and can't wait to read more of your writing.
lil_2020
Hey!
I, personally, am not a huge fan of the abstract. That being said, I did really like your piece. I think it had a nice flow and rhythm to it that made it easy to read. I liked the part about the security guard wanting to lick syrup? It's so odd, but it's great! It has a really creepy, mysterious air about it that makes me want to hear more. I wonder what made you write it. It's truly great, though. Nice job!
-Smanske15
This was a very interesting, suspicious piece. I enjoyed that. This piece was very well flowing and made you want more. It really made you think about the thought of love, and how it affects life. In this poem, I believe you truly see the ark face of love and what it does to a person. I will be interested to see what becomes of your writing in the future.
Wow.This was very interesting.I loved how abstract it is.While remaining abstract you can come up with many meanings from it.I like the vivid wording.I like how its not too long or too short.You took one theme and turned it into what could be many.I like the rebellious vibe of it.It had an emotional way about it.Its a great piece.Good luck!!