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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. XD
I read the words backwards and I understand the meaning of the title now. XD Lulz.
And I also really like it.
Righto then: line by line analysis.
Alone thee sat; - the archaic language was a great choice
In the coven of the devil. - oooooooooooh, this is a very dark line and builds tension
Lying tenderly on her bosoms; - feminine devil is a very interesting concept.
Till thy master call on thee. again, the language here was a great choice.
Dark as night. - simple, short, effective.
A desire thee long; - nice theme: Lust. XD
Of blood so blameless; - not sure how to comment here. Great.
Till thy master call on thee. - the repetition reinforced the tension I found.
A cry of pleasure; - this is quite a sexual work.
Pure and foul. - oh. Maybe not in such a good way. LOL
Sacrifice of a life; - very dark also, which links well. Good.
Young and blind. - ha! Such an apt comment on naivety. Well done.
For one so tender, - someone who is vulnerable and naïve is a great character choice.
And ever so blind. - again, reinforcing their weakness.
Evil or light? - rhetorical question is fantastic. Well done.
Do take your stand. - the active voice. You are instructing the reader.
Very clever.
Totally distinctive.
Completely impressive.
XD
Kudos.
Hellue
So this is creepy and dark... very dark... but I really enjoyed reading it!
It's written in a way that kept me hooked all the way through, the lines are very short but they are very deep and powerful so it wasn't something that bugged me.
I have no complaints about the punctuation, I think you did a good job there and the flow and rythm was good too. Personally I would've divided the text into, maybe three stanzas or something, but that's just me so you can very well keep it this way
For what it was I think this was an amazing piece, but I agree with what Dreamwalker said about this having the potential to be expanded and dive deeper into the words, meanings and messages.
As for what you said at the top about this being the first and last time you write/wrote this kind of poem... I don't think you should give up on it so easily. Dark poems can be a bit creepy and sometimes when I write those kinds of things I spook myself out a bit but judging from what you did with this piece I'd say you're pretty good at writing like this soo.. Eeh, keep on going!
Oohh, I almost forgot to give you your fair share of spiders; here you go, 4/5 icky, sticky spiders on a silver plate!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Amazing.
Somehow, the usage of words and the dark climate of the poem, they send a shiver down your spine. The title sounds like a name of some kind of villain from a dark fantasy book, and it really adds to the mood.
I don't see a reason for the first semicolon to be there. As I supposed, you meant a desire of blood, so why would you possibly divide the phrase?
The same here. I think the comma is unnecessary and the poem would flow better without it. You seem to have a need to always put some punctuation mark at the end of every line. Don't. Try to think of a poem like a prose written in lines and stanzas. Maybe after writing a poem, write it again as a prose--this way you'll know which marks to cut out.
To sum up, you did a great job building the mood and the word usage was a masterpiece, but you need to review your punctuation.
This is creepy. Really creepy, but I like it!
Now, as the poem goes, its good to take on subject matters in which are not in our general stylizations. That way, we become better, more well-rounded writers rather than basically sticking to the same song, different tune method in which gets boring and repetitive. Don't fear topics in which seem odd or disturbing. Instead, give yourself wholeheartedly to them and you'll find that the poem in itself will standout and be admired no matter the diction or the reason.
Now, you give some interesting imagery on this one. Imagery that could be expanded upon and worked with. That being said, I found this to be on the short side due to the fact that you could have gone in many different directions and explored many different ideals worth the time and effort, but you kept kind of to the straight and narrow. So expand. Maybe do a couple pieces on the subject. Really get into the morbidity of this and you'll have yourself something truly interesting.
Now, onto your use of diction.
I understand the want to try and use poetic device such as repetition and what not, but in this case, because the poem is so short and to the point, that added repetition only seemed to droll it down. So I would get rid of the unnecessary second 'till thy master call on thee'.
Now, another thing I didn't find myself necessarily liking with this piece was the use of the words 'thy' and 'thee'. It appeared that you were trying to speak with a more Elizabethen voice when this would be far more effectual with a modern day voice. So maybe stay away from the 'thy's' and 'thee's'. It will help this come across more seriously in the long run.
As a whole, I was pleasantly surprised by this. Probably because it took on such a dark image without really being a whiny, over emotional piece. Its nice to see you take poetry as not simply an outlet for everything everyone else has already written about, but merely to tell stories and to show morality. That's an admirable thing. Now its time to fix up your diction a little bit and make this shine. I'm sure you'll be pleased in the long run if you do so.
Fantastic read. Keep practicing and I'll be back.
~Walker
I loved the title, brilliant idea having it backwards. The last two lines were my favourite, it really makes you think! Great work.
-Anna
Truthfully, I loved that. It has that subtle dark tone that is very hard to maintain without going over-the-top. I also like how it's simple, as some of the more complex poems tend to leave less to the imagination, whereas here readers may sit contemplating after having read the poem through multiple times. And of course each person may take away an entirely different message.
As for the concept, I'm not 'religious' in any way. But the idea of an anti-christ, I'll admit, holds literary value. And it will probably invoke fear in most. I myself found the particular tone of this poem terrifying.