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Hey there!

When first reading the prologue, I thought this would be a retelling of Snow White. But I quickly see that it's not and that's fine. It's a nice start.

77 suitors? 77 suitors? Dang, Aurora, you are working it, haha.

“Announcing; Her Royal Highness, Crown Princess Aurora Katherine Elisabeth Keira Chelsea Nightwaters of Archaea!”

For some reason the semicolon here makes me uncomfortable! I don't know why! Perhaps you can change it to a colon, so that it can be "Announcing: Her Royal Highness, Crown . . ." But you don't have to, just because it makes me uncomfortable. Just a suggestion.

Too bad for him I had already decided no one would win

Okay. I'm not quoting this because there's anything wrong with it. I'm quoting this because after reading it in the story, I was like, "WAHTTTTT!!!?1?!?122!21?!" No one would win? What was the use of all this then? Amusement? I know the summary says something about selfish parents, so maybe this 77 Suitor Business is their idea, and Aurora's just going along with it. Hm. Interesting. I like how you made me stop and think. I like, I like.

I look around and see no one, so I gather my skirts as I jog to my chambers to change into more appropriate attire.

I find it odd picturing someone in a fancy shmancy dress jogging to--anywhere. Maybe change the word "jog" to "hurry" or something of this sort. "Jog" doesn't seem like the right word here. To me, at least! So maybe it can be: "I look around and see no one, so I gather my skirts as I hurry to my chambers to change into more appropriate attire."

I would point out the grammatical issues but JohnLocke1 and Birkhoff already did a wonderful job doing it, so I won't repeat them. I will say that I enjoyed this. More than I thought I would. I was surprised to find it as polished as it was. Yes, there were mistakes, but there were only a few. So good job there! I'm interested to learn more about Aurora and her world. I think you did an awesome job and I can't wait to see what's next! Nicely done.

-Comrie

Hey Aurora!

First off, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy yourself here.

Now, writing in 1st person is something quite tricky to do and I'd like to see it more on the site. This is probably what I enjoyed most about this piece, as it enables the reader to get more intimate with your main character, which so far seems to have a solid personality.

However, your piece still needs some work, and there are even problems that present itself as you write in 1st person.

I'll comment as I read:

Prologue

As I said, writing in 1st person presented some problems here. Depending on how complex your story is, pulling the reader into that world and having them understand everything about it is very hard to do in 1st person. Unless you have your main character spew out a bunch of expositions, which you generally don't want to do.

It is not impossible though. For example, you can have several viewpoint characters. Characters that can reveal information your main character couldn't, or wouldn't. Maybe consider putting another POW character into the mix.

The reasoning behind a prologue is by letting the reader know things that they won't pick up naturally in the story itself. So in your case, if you want, you could fill the reader in on the world of Archaea, it's history and key characters.

Her Royal Highness, Crown Princess Aurora Katherine Elisabeth Keira Chelsea Nightwaters of Archaea

Whoa, quite the name. Can I call her Kate?

accentuates

Good word. I had to look it up.

Edit

Everyone bows to me and drop into their chairs with nearly audible sighs of relief.

If they are only nearly audible, how can she hear them?

Edit

He takes a deep breath and then blows his horn

You have a lot of unneeded padding. Some places you describe too much and other you need to describe more.

Edit

of his mouth and I snort in my head.

“Duke Marcus IV of Riia, Kerea Dimension!”

You know, these names and titles are starting to grow on me. I like characters like this. It gives them some character before you even know them. Feels like I'm in the world of Frank Herbert's "Dune".

I was the princess of the richest country in Kerea and the other closest dimensions. You’d think I’d warrant more of a try than that

This is a good example of some ok exposition. Small info dump that feels somewhat natural to her thoughts. You forgot a period at the end though.

dimensions

This is something you could include in a prologue. These dimensions are mentioned several times thoughout the story, yet we have no idea what they are.

Edit

and step slowly down the stairs off of the dais as I take him in.

I glance at a nearby wall clock

When I got to this part, I got a bit unsure. What sort of time period is this? As I read everything up to this point, I pictured an old setting. A sword and sorcery setting. You even mentioned she had a sword earlier, but now there's a wall clock involved.

Edit

to my chambers to change into a more appropriate attire.

And so far, that's it. It's a decent first chapter, thought it's extremely short to be considered a chapter. But posting here, and maybe continuing it as "chapter 1, part 1, 2 etc" is great.

Your letter format is also a bit big, it looks better when it's one notch lower.

As for your writing, it's pretty good. You use a good and varied vocabulary, good grammar and your paragraphs never open the same, or in a boring way. The dialogue is good, the main characters narration is smooth and you got lots of imagination.

At your age, this is great. And after just a short time on YWS, it's only going to get better. If I myself had begun at such a young age, I would be much further along in my writing. Keep it up!

Cheers
Birkhoff

Hello, my friend.

First, might I say that I respect you for writing in the present. I detest it myself, for I do not have the ability to write in the present without great effort. However, you seem to have an affinity for it. Therefore, I applaud you and your fantastic writing prowess.

Second, a few grammatical things:

My lady-in-waiting, Ellen, hands me my sword, which I symbolically bless before standing again and sheathing the sword in the golden belt that accentuates my waist that was most likely my mother’s decision.

This was a bit of a run-on sentence. Use those period! Perhaps, "... that accentuates my waste. That was most likely my mother's decision."

I stand as he walks in, and step slowly down the stairs off of the dais as I take him in.

An unneeded word, "...down the stairs off the dais..."

I laugh bitterly to myself as I ascend a staircase and steady myself as I approach my rooms and the gaggle of maids within.

Did you mean, "...my room and the..."

Third, some stylistic suggestions:

Actually, I do not have anything to say about your style. It suits your piece nicely.

Fourth, your characters.

I think you have crafted your protagonist well. You balance exposition about the world that you have crafted with insight into her mind. If I might suggestion, you could add a bit more of her own thoughts. If only to show more of her character for the reader. It is only a suggestion.

Fifth, plot.

If I had one critique of this story that I would want you to remember, it is that of how weak your world is in its current state. Although this is the first chapter, you have presented it in a way wherein you could add more detail about your world. Dimensions? Countries? How are these courtiers arriving from different dimensions? A bit of explanation will allow a reader to feel more a part of the story, which is why they will continue reading.

Overall, you have a very promising start. Build your world, strengthen your characters and add a bit of detail, and you will have a fantastic story. Keep me posted. I would love to read more. Happy Writing!