I've had a darkness in my chest
for the past fourteen years.
And I wear it like a green sweater
that I'm slowly fitting in to.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
every one of your poems is deep and awesome, so I just have one questions:
Why a green sweater? Why not blue or red or whatever?
Green is for envy. ^_^
RIIIIIGHT thanks
For two sentences, this poem has a very dark meaning.
It shows that the narrator has become so accustomed to the depressing feeling inside of them that they wear it like an article of clothing that they're trying to break in. Miserable, but deep.
I like how you specifically pointed out that it was for the past 14 years, and you didn't just say something vague, like "for the past few years". It shows the reader that you've been holding this darkness for a while now, and that you're becoming numb to it.
Beautiful, HighTop.
Hey Tiny here!
OK a can relate to this poem 421%. I kind of feel like everyone can actually. I have one concern about the poem though, its the title. I see where you're going with it but I just feel like it would work better if it was either,
-Green Sweater
or
-Fitting in
Also since I liked it so much I have taken the courtesy to bold my absolute favorite parts of this utterly short poem.
I've had a darkness in my chest
for the past fourteen years.
And I wear it like a green sweater
that I'm slowly fitting in to.
Keep writing
Short as this is, I like it. I like that you don't have the stereotypical description of darkness. It goes from darkness, to green. And typically we think of green as being related to jealousy, so maybe that's the "darkness in my chest"? But it could easily be something else, I suppose.
Maybe it's my habit of reading into things, but I started thinking about how if the speaker is "slowly fitting in to" this feeling, they're either becoming used to it, or holding on to it--making the decision to not let go of it. Point being, there's a lot lying under the surface here and plenty of room for us to read into it.
The only two suggestions I can make are:
for the second line. There doesn't seem to be a lot of significance to "the past fourteen years." I don't know if this is written from your perspective, but if it is, and fourteen years is something significant to you, it's up to you if you want to change it. My only issue is that it might be hard for readers to find significance there.
And secondly: Since this is so short, I think it would sound more rhythmic, feel more smooth, if the second two lines had a matching meter with the first two.
Purely my personal opinion, to take or leave as you will.
Nice job HighTop!
You were spot on Adna! Thanks for the suggestions.