Though I may not worry
Not shedding a tear
Though I may be sinful
Whistling my cares away
Though I may not worry
When this world is dying
Though I may be lonely
I am not alone.
Though I may not worry
Doesn’t mean I’m cruel
Though I may be dying
Did I truly die?
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137,735 Literary Works • 672,068 Reviews
Hi! Sparkle here to review!
This is a good poem. You have a good start here, but I think it could use some refinement. It was very deep and metaphorical to the point where I didn't really get it. It could be about a number of things. I wish you had gone into a bit more detail about what the poem was about, especially the last line. It was intriguing, and I wanted to know more.
I also think the title could be changed to something that hooked the reader in a bit more.
I love the overall theme, though, and your flow and sentence structure are marvelous. The poem wasn't awkward or bumpy.
Great poem, could use just a bit of work or elaboration.
Great job, and keep writing!
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderfully glorious Review Day!
Okay, the biggest thing I'm in want of here is punctuation. Where is it? I need commas for my pauses, please. Please put them in to help with the reading flow. When you don't, I have to stop every time I feel like there should be a comma and then decide whether or not there should be one there. It's just helpful if you put them in yourself.
[quote["Though I may be dying
Did I truly die?"[/quote]
This is going to seem really nit picky, but if you haven't died yet but are in the process of dying, then you probably shouldn't say "DID I truly die." Perhaps change that to "Will I truly..."
Otherwise good job on the grammar and such.
Hope this helps!
Wow!! You did a good job at writing this!! I love it! Keep it up!
Hello, NightWolf here to review for you today.
I really like this poem, it holds so much raw emotion and power it's hard not to.
Flow
From what I can see and hear aloud, there are no issues with flow at all. The lines are roughly the same length, and they all go well together.
Grammar
I see no grammatical errors, so congratulations.
Vocabulary
Very well-chosen. Every word relates to the others (prime examples are "tear" and "lonely") I think there are no words that need changing, or don't bode well with the poem.
Other notable points
I love your use of repetition here, it has been very cleverly crafted and it really portrays the meaning of the poem. Also, throughout your poem, you are consistent. I mean this by, "Though I may be", then line, and so forth.
Well done, I look forward to reading more.
Thanks for the reviews guys ^_^