Young Writers Society

Hello there ! Speakerskat here to review for the Tsunami Tyrants!

Man these poems just keep getting better! That was DEEP and very thought provoking...my life seems to have ton of mistakes. Treating people wrong,judging, acting negativley and not taking the time to truly enjoy the fruits of life, I know I'm going to die but you put in a good point. We know about people dying like Martain Luther King JR. and JFK or maybe our dog or grandpa ( ) but we jut pity and miss and mourn them. We never stop and think "That will be me someday, will I have truly lived?"

"Did I do my best?
Did I try my hardest?
And did I truly die?"


"Brother against brother in
This sinful world
But this world
Won’t repair but fade away."

I sometimes feel like I hold my friends back "Brother against brother" and often quetion myself asking what would I do when the time came for me to make a hard choiece for my friends and I say of course I would save them but... I guess you never know until you know. And the part about fading away really describes our current worldwide situation. civil wars, recessions, and just everyday fading of trusts and frendships that had looked like they could stand the tests of time. Really makes me sad...

I LOVED your poem!

Keep it up
Speakerskat

You are my first review of the day Nice poem, I love it. These are questions a common person asks themselves. I would of liked to know how the person was injured, but that's fine if you don't choose to include it. The character seems to what to know so much in a small amount of time that can never be brought back.

I only spot a few flaws in this poem. Every line is capitalized, when those should be at the very beginning of a sentence. Also, there is very few punctuation. You could add some, for example:

This world does not gain
..but lose.
Did I try my hardest?
Did I do my best?
Did I live my life to the fullest?
These are the questions of my last breath,
in these everlasting charades.
Questions that will never be answered,
Questions we need to ask ourselves.
Did I try my hardest?
Did I do my best?

And I did not find any un-proper grammar or misspellings, congrats! There were two more flaws that I spotted, all the flaws I have pointed out are easily fixable though!

You could split your poem up into sections. For example:

This world does not gain
..But lose
Did I try my hardest?
Did I do my best?
Did I live my life to the fullest?

These are the questions of my last breath
In these everlasting charades
Questions that will never be answered
Questions we need to ask ourselves
Did I try my hardest?
Did I do my best?

We live on in this world thinking that we won’t die
That it won’t be us
But some other poor soul withering away
My life has its mistakes
Has its torture
And has its love
I wither away here on this concrete
My blood dripping
Slowly...slowly...ever so slowly from my lifeless body

The world is corrupt to everyone
Brother against brother in
This sinful world
But this world
Won’t repair but fade away.
And you’ll leave asking those everlasting questions
Did I do my best?
Did I try my hardest?
And did I truly die?

And that, and you could possibly shorten some of these sentences. For example:
Slowly...slowly...ever so slowly,
from my lifeless body.

either than that, this poem is great! Its simple, to the point, rather short, but yet it has a lot in it. May I ask where your inspiration came from? Every great piece has inspiration, and this is a great piece. But anyway, I love your writing, consider me a follower! Great job, keep writing, I would love to read more from you.