'Ello Pumpkin, here to review your poem!
This is a topic that is rather hard to talk about, however from what you've got, you're actually done really well! I think the matter was dealt with in a really good way, so well done. I think the flow/pacing of the poem was also really good, and quite suited to the whole message and idea of the poem.
In all honesty, it's quite hard to think of improvements but maybe some more imagery would be really nice. I think for a poem of this type, there isn't as much imagery and descriptions as I would've expected. Try and use some interesting techniques when you're doing this too, like maybe some really cool metaphors or similes.
Also, I think this is a great poem if it were told as a story. So I agree with Hannah in saying maybe we could see more of a story-line coming out with this poem. I think that would be really good and effective with something of this subject.
All in all, this was really beautiful! Keep up the good work and PM me with questions or if you'd like anything else to be reviewed.
Keep Writing!
-Arc x
Points: 27927
Reviews: 532
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