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139,506 Literary Works • 672,594 Reviews
This is a good poem
lots of similes and metaphors. I can relate to you on so many levels. Friends can be bitches a lot of the time! But they also help you through the toughest situations and are always there. This poem explains perfectly how hard it is to trust friends, as much as you love them. I can't find any major thing that could improve so you're on the right track. keep up the poetry! I'd love to read more from you xx.
hello there Pumpkin! Dogs here with your review today. Firstly, if I may say, WELCOME TO YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here. I'm Tucker, and if you need anything, a review, some help, advice, ANYTHING! I'd be more than happy to you help you out
. Anywho, on to ze review! This is such an adorable poem, I loved reading this because it had such a wonderful theme that you can take with you through anything. Sorry, I'm in a bit of a sappy mood because I'm listening to emotional musical numbers (I know... sap). But I really smile when I read this poem because it's so adorable.
. But just keep an eye out for that in your writing, because lack of grammar can make your poem rather difficult to read often.
A quick note though, you really need to keep strong with your grammar. Most of the latter half of this poem is pretty spot on in terms of grammar, but the first half is like one ginormous run on sentence, and it gets a little difficult to read. Try writing something more like:
"Friends you can rely on,
Friends to trust.
Friends to hold your secrets.
This world is like the crack of a drum:
Dark, ominous, and loud."
I'm not going to edit everything in the poem because I know your excellent writing skills can take care of that
You have such a great theme about the value of friendship, and I was shocked with how you choose your last three lines with: "Could be Enemies/ Could be traitors and/ Could be a real friend." Your entire poem is about the value of friendship, and than this twist comes in about how friends can be your enemies also, it puts in a huge air of uneasiness to your poem but only at the end. If you choose to make your topic about the uneasiness of friends and uncertainty in that regard, make that the focus of your entire poem instead of just the end. I really think you should just cut the last four lines and stick with the value of friends theme. Lovely writing though, let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hi PumpkinCat. Welcome to YWS!
I am GeeLyria, and I'm here to review. Your piece is pretty good. What I like the most is that the message is really simple and sincere, and I had a warm feeling about it. But I think there's something really important that would help this poem... Create stanzas! A poem without spaces is like a skycrapper without windows~ and that's suffocating. We need space to breathe and think about what we've read. I think that would improve this greatly.
Keep writing! And thanks for sharing!
~GeeLyria