Young Writers Society

Hi PumpkinCat,Dark here with review

I see the theme you want to point up here.But I think it need some more connection between them.Just let me review in each lines here for sure.

# Those people we cry to see

Those people we see in our dreams

And when those people are brought up from the fog

Sadness fills your throat

The tears run down. -->this part is quiet don't make sense to me.But it is okay to attract the reader's attention thus they will continue reading to know who actually the people we want to see in our dreams.

# And you sit alone on a bench-->Huh,suddenly you now sit alone on beach?The connection between each lines lost here.

People watching you as they pass by

Do they know your suffering?

The pain and loss you felt

When that doctor came out of that room

The bearer of bad news

The person who told you of your sadness

Did you cry when received the news? -->I see the message here.of course we sad when got a bad news.

#The same thing happened in the rest of your poem here.It needs some more improvement.Try use a literature styles here such as simile and metaphor .This could make your poem more interesting to read.
Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
dark

Hello there! Here comes a review for review day.

When I read this poem I feel.... it is a bit detached. Like it has no connecting idea or theme tying it together. I feel like the thoughts are a bit random and each line is placed on a whim.

Some lines you have here feel quote random too and not well worded. These lines include the following:

~And we can’t always live.
~The person who told you of your sadness
~And when those people are brought up from the fog

Did you cry when received the news?
Did you listen to see if they were still there?
As if some cruel joke would replace the gasp in agony…
To cradle the people we lose in tears.
We can't always protect the people we hold dear.
We can’t always save them
And we can’t always live.

Hello PumpkinCat! Cheetah here, ready to review your piece.

This was actually a really good poem. When I saw the title "People" I thought it would be about the general public or something, but no, this was much more personal. It was good.

You seem to be very experienced in poetry! The best lines, I think, were "Sadness fills your throat". That was very meaningful. When you're in a situation such as this, that's honesty what it feels like. Very well described.

The line "And we can't always live" was so good and so amazing, it took my breath away for a second. It was the perfect way to end the poem with the exact balance needed to make people wonder afterward.

The only thing I was a bit confused at was the line "Did you listen to see if they were still there?" I felt like the words "listened" and "see" contradicted themselves. You can't see with your ears, so I would just change that up a bit to make it fit.

Other than that, this was really very good, thank you for sharing. I'm looking forward to reading more of your pieces!