Author's Note: Hello, writers! I'm currently in the process of writing my romantic historical fiction piece, but I thought I'd take a break and write a nice little poem for you ladies out there. Any reviews are welcomed and appreciated!
Woman.
She's the one with her hair tied back,
Her sleek, red locks reflecting the lamp's rays.
She sits upright, without a care in the world,
Her stony green eyes fixated upon a single Goal, like they would a Spot upon the Wall.
Woman.
She has Ambitions, Aspirations, desires, and Dreams.
Her cherry red lips are curled into an Amused smirk.
"men.", she scoffs, "The leaders of the Earth."
She's seen many of them, all with a Weakness.
Often their Weakness lies within their Desire for,
Woman,
Who has Broken their Will to Compete.
Her Cold disposition makes them Wonder why she does not Need them.
they Need Her.
they Need Woman.
Who gives life, can take it away just as easily.
She can administer her Good Will,
Or a Well-Deserved Torment upon he who takes advantage of his Needs.
man is Subject to the earthly evils;Lust, Greed, Misery, and the like.
man wants to Fight.
Woman is Ruler of the Earthly Virtues: Patience, Prudence, and Unconditional Love.
Woman seeks to Love.
man Needs practice.
Woman is the Expert.
And so it is, in the grand scheme of the Human condition,
A Woman's World after all.
A man is Lost.
And can only be Found by She who he so desperately needs.
he can only be Found by,
Woman.
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138,443 Literary Works • 672,121 Reviews
BEFORE YOU COMMENT:
Just know this is a controversial poem.
I was experimenting with feminist principles which I'm not completely well versed in, but am fascinated by.
I isn't mean any offense to men or women, and I think that this poem does not give way to any kind of an attack on either gender.
What I rather meant to portray was an independent, ambitious, competitive side of the female consciousness that sees men as entities to compete with rather than entities to depend on. But everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and I will respect and take all into account.
This poem is coolness.
I like how every couple lines you interluded with the word 'woman'.
The message in this poem is plain as day. It says, "GIRLS ARE AWESOME!", and I totally agree.
As you have been told many times over there are way to many capital letters. I understand. I love to capitalize things too, but when things are edited, some people just don't like it.
Other than that I saw no mistakes, and loved everything I read.
herby
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day!
Technical:
"She has Ambitions, Aspirations, desires, and Dreams." Why isn't "desires" capitalized like the rest of the items in that list?
"men.", she scoffs, "The leaders of the Earth." should be written "Men," she scoffs. "The leaders of the Earth."
"Often their Weakness lies within their Desire for," why is the comma there? This idea flows into the next line, and you break it off with a pause there.
"they Need Her.
they Need Woman.
Who gives life, can take it away just as easily.", the "they"s should be capitalized, and you should put a comma after "Woman".
I think I realize that you're now intentionally not capitalizing "man".
"man is Subject to the earthly evils;Lust, Greed, Misery, and the like." Your semi-colon should be an actual colon, and there should be a space between it and "Lust".
An objection to the philosophy of "Woman is Ruler of the Earthly Virtues: Patience, Prudence, and Unconditional Love." You make it seem like Woman is not capable of the vices men are. That's a lie. It's just not true; both genders are capable of both vices and virtues. Men are capable of the virtues that are listed there as well.
I don't know if this was your intent, but your portrayal of women wasn't exactly admirable; it struck me as kind of cold. Okay, not kind of. You blatantly say women are cold: "Her Cold disposition makes them Wonder why she does not Need them." Yet somehow they're warm and loving with "Unconditional Love"? Not all women possess that trait, by the way.
I was expecting a poem praising women. Instead I found one stripping women of their natural beauty, and attacking men at the same time. That's rather sad.
My intent with the cold disposition line was to show independence/ possibly someone who doesn't let men distract or sway her from her ambitions. I didn't mean to portray women as cold, but rather as entities which don't need men to survive. I realize that's not true, but I was attempting to experiment with feminist ideas here. I'm neither a female lot a feminist, so this was definitely a stretch, but I tried to make it work. I realize this is a rather controversial poem in its ideology and the way it's written, but it's all in good spirits. And let's be real, men make up most of the worlds leadership roles, and we r screwing it up big time.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HI.
Biggest issue here is capital letters.
TOO MANY CAPITAL LETTERS.
Ah.
Too many.
You make almost every word a proper noun, its not. You may have turned these letters capital to indicate significance but it doesn't work. Why> Because you do it TOO much. If you had just capitalized a few for significance it would have worked but you do far too many. Its insane.
One thing that the capital letters were successful about was the lack of capitalization of every time you said man. It was very effective and portrayed how they are lesser. Capitalize all Woman and a few other words. But I feel like you have just done too much here.
This is a very streamlined idea, on the fact that woman are powerful because men need them. Well that is completely true, and its impossible for men to live without them. There are so many greater reasons you could have included in here, since the fact on needing one another could be written exactly the same with gender reversal in this poem.
You also are generalizing by saying things about all woman needing l=and giving love and all. But this is your opinion and I like it. I think that feminists are more inclined to like this poem, whether they be male or female- as I am one myself, but in that point I feel like the reasons you could have potentially explored beneath this poem have fallen short.
Despite this I found this entertaining and looking past the capital swarm, I really liked it. It was a fun read and was a nice change from some of the normal love poetry we see here. I like your ideas a ton and I think you could write some more poetry exploring this theme to practice and hone your skills as well as having a chance to explore more ideas about gender dominance. Have fun writing.
Hahah. Agreed. I will definitely take your opinions into account. When I wrote this, I had just finished reading some of the correspondences of Abigail Adams, and me, being a dude who's enthrall we with feminist ideas (I just ind them interesting) rushed this one out a little bit. I've been experimenting with the capitalizations lately, and in my crazed frenzy I definitely set the caps to overkill. Hahaha. Thanks for this review. Honest;sincere;helpful. Good stuff!