Beautiful.

I genuinely can't stand the negativity that this poem is receiving.

Hi! I'm going to review this short piece.

First of all, I love the way it looks. Good poetry is an experience. Everything from the way it looks to the way it sounds when being read aloud with open voice contributes to the experience factor. This poem, I believe, possesses a lovely amount of experience.

The sensory words used in this piece really bring it to life. One must read it slowly to get the full awe that it provides, though.

I like how these "things" go undescribed. Beauty is relative, and the fact that you determined that by using a word as simple as "things" is very impressive to me.

The only thing I feel a bit strange about is the antecedent agreement at the end of each stanza. "It" and "its" don't correctly agree with "things" and I, as a reader, am unsure if this is purposefully or just the result of a mistake.

Either way, I enjoy the universal concept that the poem provides. Rather than deciding upon an immediate emotion and running out on a limb to describe it in grotesque detail, taking the whole of "beauty" appears to stand out and seem bold to the senses.


Overall, I truly enjoy this piece. I feel like it belongs in a wedding invitation card or framed on some fancy paper near a kitchen window somewhere. It's very nice, clean and provides a generally uplifting mood-- which is rare upon most young adult angst-sucking authors.

Hey there!

Let me start off by saying you chose a very, very overplayed and largely repeated concept. I can't say you did anything new. I like the simplicity of it, but it's lacking description. I wasn't gripped by any powerful emotion, not a good or bad one, and I think I'd rather think this is the worst poem on earth than feel as apathetic as I do. Since your subject was beauty, you could have really used language to emphasize your point, make the reader gasp and exclaim how gorgeous this was. "There are beautiful things that we can touch" - describe the texture. Use comparisons, make beauty tangible and allow us to visualize. "Feel its beauty with sensual eyes" seems quite awkward to me. Why the use of sensual? "We can lick the sweet taste of it" - why is sweet? What kind of sweet? Is there any bitterness, like in dark chocolate? Is it overly sugary like white chocolate? "There are beautiful things that we feel in our hearts" - I like that you mentioned something about the idea of feeling with your heart, but what does that feel like? Is it overwhelming, is it happy...? "When we close our eyes, we feel its presence." A typical ending to a typical poem.

Overall, describe this better, make us understand and relate and EXPERIENCE! I have faith you make this amazing!

~Epic

'ello.

ewh formatting. All it tells me is you can't sell your poem on the merit of your words but you need bold text centered in the middle of the screen.. but lets move on 'cause that's not important.

There are beautiful things
that we can touch,

feel its beauty with sensual eyes,
and we can lick the sweet taste of it.

Hi hi...
When I read the part where you said "We can lick the sweet taste of it". I shamelessly thought of ice cream.
I like the fact that despite being short, it's very deep. The idea of feeling things with our hearts, is really beautiful.
I like the fact that your writing is positive. I absolutely love the idea of feeling someone's presence with our eyes closed. Rather than feeling the darkness itself.
To be honest I'm not really good at reviewing anything for that matter. But I felt and instant connection to your poem. Especially the way you put it across.

Best of Luck.
Anouk!

Hi, darkknight!

I am going to be annoying and point out a grammar error, because I am totally a prose writer like that!

There's a beautiful things <-- It should be "There's a beautiful thing" or "There are beautiful things"

So, basically, the singularity/plurality thing is a bit mixed up. Nothing big!

This probably sounds a little silly, but when I first read the first stanza, I was thinking, "Sulfur crystals look beautiful, but they smell awful and they are probably poisonous to us." So! While I appreciate you bringing in extra senses (I don't know if you've seen my rant about bringing in senses for poetry before, but too often people write about the visual senses, but rarely do they write about smells... I am still waiting for a poem describing farts in a lyrical way) I don't think that this is necessarily true, and thus I don't think it necessarily belongs. Then again, I like truth in writing! I'll put a lie in there sometimes, just for fun (since, clearly I am a prose writer) but still.

When I read the second stanza, I thought of God. Because I am awesome and religious and awesomely religious as well.

Anyway, it is a cute poem! Keep it up.

Hi there DarkKnight! I see you're new to YWS, so welcome!

First off, a word about the formatting. I can see how fun it can be to mess with fonts and colors, but it comes off as distracting from the words. I suggest using the standard font in black, possibly using italics for emphasis (but not for the whole piece

Now, about the piece itself. The problem with with writing about something like "beauty" is that it's an abstraction. That means it's vague and doesn't create a tangible image. You do use some sensory words, which is a step in the right direction. However, they just direct us to say beauty and taste sweetness, which is a bit boring. Is this thing perfectly geometric or curvaceous? Does it taste like chocolate chips or apple juice? Referring to things that the reader can sense makes the piece that much richer.

Overall, this is nice, but I think bringing in more imagery would make it stronger. Keep writing!

Beautiful, just like the name.