I want to go to the forest
talking to plants and animals
lying on the damp ground,
and share their anxieties under the sky.
I want to go to the forest
touching their heart and thoughts
kissing their scents,
and share what is owned by us.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
Hey DarkNight
I'm here to review your poem. I switched the genre to fantasy to find it so I'm expecting fantasy! On to review!
stanza one
Okay a good opening. You could try to use some imagery, particularly with the plants and animals, or the forest in general. You invited us to this forest without showing us what it is. How does it look? Smell? Feel? These are just some suggestions on how you can expand this poem. With such a short poem you really have to squeeze out it''s potential. Think of every word as money, and you're trying to get the most out of how little you have. (Wise words from a review I got a while back)
I liked this line, as it insinuated being at one with nature. It fits perfectly into the poem.
stanza two
Not much to say about this stanza actually. Well, nothing that I've not said before. Again I'm liking the theme of being one with nature, and how we're not so different.
Overall
Overall, I liked your poem. Like a lot. I found it very interesting to read. I would like to point out that this is in fantasy. I was expecting a fantasy poem, for example pixies and gnomes that lived in a forest, that kind of fantasy. At first I thought that this was out of place in the genre, but then I thought about how it fit's into a fantasy of the modern world genre. As in it will probably never happen, being this close with nature. Was this your intended message?
Again I liked it, maybe trying to expand on how you describe the forest itself.
Loving this poem, -Hightop!
This is so.. what's it called.. "of-the-earth". Couldn't go without leaving a comment to say that I liked it.
P.S : the last line, shouldn't it be : "...and share what is owned by us"?
thanks,glad you like it.I think so,yeah i will fix it soon
Hey there. A simple and kiddish poem I felt after reading. In the first lines
"I want to go to the forest
talking to plants and animals
lying on the damp ground"
and share their anxieties under the sky."
I really think you need to add a comma to differentiate between it.
In the second line talking to plants and animals seem to be weird.
It would be much better if it would be
"Plants and animals I would like to talk"
Or something like that.
Even in the second stanza:-
"I want to go to the forest
touching their heart and thoughts
kissing their scents
and share what owned by us."
Touching their heart seems to be unusual.
Needs IMPROVEMENT. DO NOT THINK I AM being MEAN!
KEEP GOING!
Thanks for review!I am not^^,I think you just helps me a lot here
Hey there! Your poem is simple but very beautiful. The imagery is great and the more simple it is, the more I like it. I have a question... Why isn't the line "touching their heart and thoughts" also colored in green like "talking to plants and animals"? I don't know, but it would sound more mysterious. Anyway, it's your poem and I'm not here to change it. Good job, keep writing!
~Bard