I still feels the emotions tides
rough,cold and blue inside,
but I still hold my hopes
tight in my arms.
I gave them a blow for warmth
desperately wrap them with my tears,
I am not giving up too easily
I keep them in my heart with trust.
I believe, someday an angel will touch them,
and the wind will wash away my tears,
the sun will appear to drown my fears,
I will walk with fires in winter.
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139,597 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Hello, this is your friendly neighborhood Knight Teen here to review.
You say that this is written by your brother? Please, give him my compliments. I thought that he did a very good job. And I must also commend you for a good job in translating this.
There were, however, several things that I would like to point out. They are simply minor grammar issues, but they really cannot be ignored.
Now, the first word that I bolded out doesn't need much correction. You simply need to delete the 's' to make it the proper word form/tense for this sentence.
The underlined portion is missing a necessary space between the comma and the word, 'cold,'.
There really is nothing wrong with the italicized word, but I think that adding the ending -ly to it (therefore making it tightly) would make a little more sense. This however, isn't even an error, it is simply my opinion. I love -ly words.
I loved this stanza. The author has great imagery, and I could clearly see what he was writing about in my head as I read it.
The other stanzas are very correct in grammar and spelling, and as for their content it is quite amazing. The descriptive words that you use for emotion are simply wonderful.
Have a Happy Review Day!
HT
Thanks^^-->I will fix it soon!<3
Beautiful, beautiful poem. I love the imagery you used to describe the emotions. I can just see you clutching them in your arms just like dying animals, you want to keep them alive and yet they are becoming cold. Keep up the good work.
It's very... Interesting.. First off, the first feel has an s on it. But I didn't see any other grammar mistakes. But one thing I'd like to say. This is a depressing poem, for what it is. And I'm really not understanding exactly what's meant by, "I keep them in my heart for trust." Before that, it seems your brother is talking about warming his frozen arms. But he sticks them in his heart? And the third stanza as well was just.. Confusing. It's an interesting idea, but it just doesn't make sense.
-Ariana (Silver Lady)
But I do want to add on the the word choices are good. And I really don't want to be negative, but..
Hi ajruby,'them' is actually refer to the hopes
Like simile for sure.Thanks for review
No worries ,my friend
I appreciate it so much !
Ah. Well, that does make a little more sense.
Hey DarkKnight9
. I actually really enjoyed this poem, and it sounds to me like your brother has potential. The thing i love about this poem is that weellll, its a sad one. I personally really like this type of poem because of the emotion it causes the reader to feel. I feel like this poem is just something that is to be respected and doesn't really require a full in depth review. The use of wording and layering is really well done actually, so good job to your brother.
Thank you.Glad you enjoyed this poem