Dear Skylar, I'm Coming Home

The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR.

where I can stand without thoughts of fears,

The comma needs to be switched to a period.

to return back to your side

I think "your" should be my or our.

But now my feet is on the ground

Switch "is on", to are on.

and bombing that whispering
loudly in my ears.

"That", should be that's, and whispering and loudly kind of conflict each other. I would consider re-wording it.

It is not longer a nightmare

"Not" should be no.
Sorry if I copied the review below. It was long and I didn't have time to read it all. I hope this review helps you!
I really liked this storyline. It took until the ending for me to understand what was happening, but when I got it I loved it!
Keep it up!

Hi. Caerulean here to give you a review. It's the first one I made since forever so I hope I'm not too shabby. xD

Anyway, I'm used to giving nitpicks so here you go:

Firstly, I think it should be a comma instead of a period after 'Skylar' in the title.

Home is calling me

- Good use of personification here, but it's seems cliché. That doesn't matter though. This first line paints a clear picture of what the setting or the whole idea of the poem is.

they waving me with a sweet smile.

- Did you mean: 'they wave to me'? Nice simple imagery by the way.

I know, I often go back over the past

- I don't completely understand why you wrote 'I know' there. Was the persona reminiscing? Just asking.

I lived by heart
free with wild dreams.

- I think there should be a comma after 'heart' to properly separate it from associating with 'free with wild dreams' which refers to the action of 'living'.

and I sleep on the dusty earth
awakened by the sound of firing

- Comma after 'earth' here also for the same reason as the previous nitpick.

and bombing that drone in my ears,

- Did you mean: 'that drown my ears'?
- End this with a period to separate the two lines that follow which seems to make more sense as a separate sentence.

it is no longer a nightmare
of a young kid wakes up from sleep.

- I don't understand these lines. Perhaps you meant: 'It is no longer a nightmare where a young kid is awakened/startled from sleep.'

I fight for freedom
that was seized from me,
and I will go home

- Put 'the' before 'freedom'.
- Also, you changed tenses from present to future here. This is one thing that should be avoided or should be done carefully. Here, it seems better if you changed it to 'I will fight for' to make it consistent with the 'I will go home'.
- Anyway, I love the power in these lines.
- Put a comma after 'home'.

my lover, and the baby with a cherry cheeks.

- The description of the cherry-cheeked baby there was not really done well. You should rephrase that part to make it more personal with the baby if you get what I mean.

I make promises

- I think you should change this to 'I promise'.

to return home,

- End this with a period.

I will meet you, whatever happens
just let me hold these hopes.

- End 'whatever happens' with a period (and capitalize the 'j' in 'just'). I think it'll add power to these last lines.


Overall, I like this poem. It gives me a warm, peaceful feeling. I was not sure what this was all about other than missing home but the lines with the words 'firing' and 'bombing' cleared it out. I think this poem can really relate to many soldiers and even overseas workers. I think that it'd be better though if you made it more personalized. It would be nice if you added some more depth to the story of the persona. This is a very general topic and there may be many other works that are about the same thing. We don't want our works to look exactly like others.

Although I've said that, I like the simplicity of the wording of this poem. It makes the poem easy to connect to. The lightness of the language gives a sense of reminiscent happiness which the poem is actually about. Anyway, the grammar mistakes are just minor so no need to worry.

Never stop writing.