Young Writers Society

Congratulations on such a moving poem centered around a theme that is current today. (Really hoping this review doesn't sound dumb because I've been awake since early this morning and my eyes barely open.)
I like your imagery a lot. Although your imagery does not remind me of Syria per se, it still characterizes the horrific events that happened there. There is so much emotion conveyed in your words. You describe the heart of oppression with your words.

They danced on our cries,
and sip our blood with golden mugs,

Hey DarkKn- I mean Dreamwork!

It's by far time I give a little back to you for all the reviews you do for me! So, let's see what I can do for your poem. I think you've done a great job of setting a sinister and dark atmosphere with your words. The constant reminder of blood helped a lot with this, and the relation to nightmares. The last two lines were chilling, and I think it was a great way to end the poem. I think you should work a bit on the rhythm, because sometimes that was disturbed by too long sentences in places.

I drowned within their insanity
in vain I see no reasonable sense,

I exclaimed with a painful throat
and they clog up my mouth with words of insult.

They danced on our cries,
and sip our blood with golden mugs,
sitting on a thrones studded with diamonds
they look like wolves with bodies under their feet.

Their insanity grows on this earth
as cunning inside their huge brains,

the blood later be frozen
does not flow, or even wet our bodies
and we die in dreams
without waking up from nightmares.

I'm not much of a poet, but I'll try my best to give you some useable opinions...

The Good:
1) The topic of your choice is very relevant to the modern world, and is just as relevant to the past and the future. It will be a classic if it performs well. I.E get published and read widely.

2) Balanced use of imagery. Not too difficult to understand but at the same time exquisite and well done such that you've conveyed your message across in a dense enough manner befitting a poem.

3) Visceral. I'm the kind of guy who could appreciate that.

Needs Improvement:
1) The sudden change of perspective from the 1st person narrator to his unseen peers is jarring. Might not work. I don't see the purpose in the change either.

2) Technical aspects of the language isn't up to par. You could do better in the economy of your words, and there are a few grammar errors as well - not good for any poem considering the quality-centred word count.

3) There isn't a conspicuous enough rhythm, and I don't think it works. But take this one with a grain of salt, because my training in poetry is limited, and I'm pretty much stuck on traditional sort of poetry with alot of emphasis on form - like the metres and everything, and even then, I'm not very into poetry.