Young Writers Society

Hey WritingWolf, I think this may just be my last review of Review Day! Let's hope that I can squeeze it in on time, eh? Now I'm not going to bother with nit-picks here because I am a little pressed for time, plus they're not really necessary because they're all things that you would spot yourself if you were to revise your piece in real detail. Instead I'm just going to give you my overall opinion by beginning with the things I like about your piece, and I'll then move on to hopefully helping you improve what you have so far by giving you some critiques with the aid of some suggestions.

Before I delve into the critiques, I have to say that I really love the message of this piece. I totally agree with it as well because I also personally believe that a lot of children's stories nowadays are overlooked as simply being children's stories. I mean, heck, the vast majority of fairy tales were originally actually very gruesome and scary, and so a lot of people are very naive to pass them off as simple child's play. You have pretty good grammar and punctuation overall too, and that is always a massive plus because good grammar and punctuation is almost guaranteed to mean a piece of writing with a smooth, even flow. You certainly don't disappoint with this, so kudos to you for that.

All of my critiques are content based, and my first one is that I really want to suggest for you to make this more detailed and longer. Right now you have proposed an idea: that there are hidden meanings in children's stories that people need to take more notice of, but you haven't really expanded on it at all. Because you haven't really specified what this actually is (i.e. an essay, a speech e.t.c.) it's difficult to suggest what you can do to expand on this piece, but I'll give you a few examples.

Something you could do is explain some hidden meanings, and give your opinion on those hidden meanings. As it stands right now, you don't actually specify any hidden meanings and instead, you just mention their existence. Another example of a way to make this more detailed and longer is that you could also perhaps use this as a way to persuade others to search for these hidden meanings. You often say how awful it is that people don't pay attention to these hidden meanings, and so why don't you try and persuade them to stop doing that and begin paying attention? Be persuasive and use persuasive language.

Something that did really start niggling me as I read through this piece was that you kept on saying how there are hidden messages in children's stories and fairy tales, but you never actually give an example of any of these hidden meanings. You have a statement, but no evidence in support of that statement. Well, I take that back slightly actually because you do suggest one for Little Red Riding Hood, but that is easy to miss because it's only one sentence, and then you leave it at that. Another meaning isn't mentioned, and that one isn't mentioned in an awful lot of detail either. What I'm basically saying is that with everything you claim and say, you need to find evidence or come up with evidence that supports what it is you're saying.

Also, why is it so important that we as people read deeper into these fairy tales? You briefly skim this, but you don't really explain it in much detail. I mean, we're hardly going to perish if we don't find these hidden meanings, and so you have to convince your readers that these hidden meanings really are important. The best way to do that is to say why these meanings are important, and how they should be applied to our everyday life. This isn't a difficult thing to do because in the end, it's just a case of you applying your opinion to what you're saying. If you say why you personally think these messages are important then this piece as a whole could definitely improve. Take this part of your piece:

Remember that what you tell your children at night to make them go to sleep, may mean a lot more then most think.

Remember the writers who spun these tales.

Remember the people who learned from these tales.

Remember the people who need to hear these tales.

Remember the beautiful or tragic ending we've lost, simply because of societies ignorance.

I like this. I have always been intrigued by deeper meanings to seemingly simple stories.

I enjoy your writing style, but some people might not get it. My writing is like that too sometimes so I often have to sit and think about the demographic that's going to read that particular writing. This might help you as well, but on a site like this I encourage you to keep up using the style hat suits you best. Have people get to know you style, maybe even grow to love it.

You actually left out a part of the Red Riding Hood story. You may have done this on purpose but I'd thought I'd point it out. In the story the wolf actually confronts Red Riding Hood in the Woods before going to the grandmother's house. He tries to convince her to stray from the path and pick flowers, at this point in the story he embodies temptation.

One last critique I'd like to make is this one line: Here I am. writing to you. Not so much you as an individual, but you as a part of society. Please don't forget.

To make it flow better adding that after "please don't forget" would be helpful:
Here I am. writing to you. Not so much you as an individual, but you as a part of society. Please don't forget that.

Since you asked for a critique I tried my best to be as helpful as possible. I hope this is what you were looking for.

-Aria (yes, it's me from mweor)

I think we have real, truly brilliant writer on our hands. You have grown into a great writer!
I was instantly sucked in, and could not manage to tear my eyes away. You kept us/me engaged, with a beautiful flow of words and a magnificent image.

You always tell me to be as harsh as you can when reviewing your work, but even at my harshest all I have to say is:
...

Yep, that's it. You wonder why you feel like you can't build off many of the reviews you get, but you don't need to. Especially on this work.

And with nothing more to say, I ask that you PM me whenever you have posted a work, so I can read it.

Keep it up, dear.

~Rainn

This is really really good. I wasn't expecting that. But from the first line, you pulled me in. Wow. All I can really say is wow.

Hey there Writingwolf.

Firts off, not really a "story" as much as this is an informative paper...Though I did like it when reguarding it as such. I especially liked the end where you kept stating remember because it really drove home those points. I also liked how you drew attention to something that is indeed overlooked FAR to often and how you brought out the two different endings to red ridding hood...although isn't there a third ending somewhere that's been adapted for the really young children who would be terrified if a wolf ate a little girl, even if she DOES live in the end?

Anywho I really liked it and how you directed the questions to the reader, It was very well executed (excuse spelling).

~Kat

Hi there! CM here for a review. Since you are the first person to ask for a review, I'll try to make this as detailed as possible.

First of all, I'm going to start off by highlighting the positives. This was a refreshingly different piece, as I'm sure you've heard from the other reviewers. It was entrancing and interesting, full of rhetorical questions and direct speech to us; the readers. I liked how you wrote so that it seemed like you where speaking to us, making it seem like where there when your writing it, having a discussion with you. I am yet to perfect that type of style and am envious in the almost seamless way you pull it off.

It was organized and well paced and thought out. I liked how you explained what you meant by the connection from the stories to our lives. Most writers tend to vaguely state there opinion but never back it up with real stuff you can examine. I must say though, some of the parts I didn't think you got your meaning across in the most efficient way possible.

Now, onto my critique.

I enjoyed this, as you know. But, I think that it became repetitive after a while. The first half, where you introduce us to your concept and the connections was really awesome, engaging and interesting. Yet, as it went on I thought you would trying to drill in the message too much. It seems like your passionate about this topic, which is great, but it got repetitive which I was saddened to see.

I liked this bit the most;

Remember the writers who spun these tales.
Remember the people who learned from these tales.
Remember the people who need to hear these tales.
Remember the beautiful or tragic ending we've lost, simply because of societies ignorance.

Some of the other readers didn't like this, but I thought it was a good end, thoughtful and flowing. Overall, this was a refreshingly piece, written in a style I like with only a few small critiques.

I hoped this helped;

~CM

I like this piece^^
And I really like how you explain it to us and make us understand it^^
That it's not just children stories or that it means something to us.
You were like telling us that there's more than that story we know. And it really is true.
And we're all wondering what really is the ending of Little Red Riding Hood.
Good Job^^

Hello Writing Wolf.

I really like your concept here but i do not get the last little bit. It doesn't exactly make sense to me. Anyways, I think that this was a well thought out piece but i don't see the point in something like this.

Maybe if it was in your point of view it would have been better.

Good luck in the future

Okay, so this whole thing was really wonderful and I agree with you completely. There were some parts that I had to stop because the flow didn't sound... flowy, but otherwise the way you went about explaining was wonderful. This was nicely organized and well thought out. I myself have been wondering how the story really ended and I think that's what helps this story, that you can write about something that many people have been wondering or agree with. Something commonly known and looking deeper into what it's true meaning may be, that's why this is so interesting. Keep up the good work, and maybe tell us how YOU think it ended.

This was wonderfully done WritingWolf. I liked how you dissected the story bit by bit and how you explained what each section meant. Although I am unclear why you put in the part about the ending. I also liked the last two line about how it could apply to you (us).

Hello Wolf (kind of a appropriate name for the story) I is here for a tiny little review that I hope helps you out some.

Well this was very very very well thought out by you but still I do not see the point of the last what ten lines anyway the way you began the story it was like you were explaining how to write the story not how it was written okay another thing is you thought this up although you don't quite now because you were never there yourself and I remember one time when I wrote a piece of poetry and it had a hidden meaning inside that I did not even think of.

And you may be right and all but still I am not quite sure that all stores like that are like that.

Overall this was really really good.

Keep calm read write and have some good luck, I hope this helped.

~Jon~