whence

[slapintheface] Preaching = bad. You want the reader to feel what you feel, and unless you feel guilty and resentful, preaching is NOT the way to go about it. The ...

Show don't tell. I'm not going to go in detail on that again. I found the rhyming in the beginning tedious; like it was all said in one breath and ...

Note: harshness follows. GAH. No. I couldn't even finish this. This wasn't poetry. And I'm not saying this to discourage you from writing, on the contrary, I'm saying it in ...

Eh. Like Claw said, this didn't do anything for me. It was all very un-new and rather predictable. Yin and Yang have been touched on by thousands of poems, do ...

try beefing up the vocab here. A line, and thus a poem, can mean so much more [or simply 'else'] if the perfect adjective/adverb/noun/etc. is chosen. You've got some vague ...

well, everyone else has pointed out the content errors, and Claw already said my standard recommendation: Read. However, I still feel there's something to say. Whatever you do, do not ...

the ending didn't seem to fit in with the mood of the rest of the poem. And how can a mind and knowledge meld together? Isn't that sort of redundant? ...

You're opening example fails to show satire, and could be stronger. Also, I think perhaps some common ingredient to all 4 stanzas would be beneficial, a refrain, perhaps? As it ...

I can see why you picked this to be critiqued. It's very, very, good. You give a very clear setting, and the reader can immerse themselves into the imagery. I'd ...

you walked into my life like a child's dream. with darkness shadowing your face; but the morning light hid in your eyes. mysterious and enticing. sweet angelic face. The first ...

Well, mountains better then my first attempt at poetry. -reminices- -shudders- You need to work on showinf the significance of this trail. You could even make the entire poem a ...

Well, random lines in your head become random lines on a piece of paper. Not any better. My recommendation is to keep them in your head (or better yet: right ...

Harshness time :roll: This didn't make me feel anything. Try to envision the poem from the reader's view whilst writing it. Good poetry imbues to reader with whatever emotion is ...

This was simplistic to a fault. There was no substance ; it merely stated low-key, unemotional things in an off-hand manner. You need to make the reader feel something; y'know ...

Well, I thought the 'My dance is slow' bit was interesting... You asked questions with literally no purpose or answer. They were rhetorical without feeling -- hanging unanswered, dragging this ...