umm...what?
that poem was like eating american cheese with red wine--it just didn't make sense.
i'm proud of that analogy.
anyway, this could be a cool poem. just...expand. and..*yawn*...try to make it more interesting? this seems like you just said, "okay, what can i slap down in five seconds..." for five seconds, it's good. but it's not enough for anyone to really enjoy.
i leave this thread with dissatisfaction and residual pride for my awesome analogy.
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