I agree with everything Whence said, and ignore Sohini's order to capitalize--that's a personal preference, really. I... have nothing more to say. 
Whence stole all my comments.
you walked into my life like a child's dream.
with darkness shadowing your face;
but the morning light hid in your eyes.
mysterious and enticing.
sweet angelic face.
the static between you and I
(or at least, with me)
grew
and grew
and kept growing with each passing moment
of our short estranged glances.
but then
I saw you.
and fear overwhelmed me
like the sight of a swelling wave,
that feeling of a ticking time bomb filled my chest.
ah...time, the one thing we had left to lose.
and then
I saw you.
really saw you.
and all misconceptions and explanations
floated above our heads
as your lips touched my shoulder blade.
oh that sweet angelic face.
your lips, our lips,
bittersweet misery.
the moments pass by as the clock flows
you move away, leaving an unquenchable
burning in my soul.
I stand there with utter stillness
and see the door sway back and forth
as blurs of the oblivious drift by
all in silence.
what silence. such pain.
pain I would gladly welcome once more
just for a dream of you and me,
of us.
of that sweet angelic face.
________________________________________
okay guys, this is one of my more personal poems & it really digs deep for me so please feel free to tell me what you think (i added a little more punctuations then i would have liked, i think it needed it so let's see if it makes it a little easier to read =) ...does it make sense?, is it too much of a cliche?, is my writing just overall bad? be honest and let me know
I agree with everything Whence said, and ignore Sohini's order to capitalize--that's a personal preference, really. I... have nothing more to say. Whence stole all my comments.
Punctuate and capitalize youur poem.
The poem was good but in a repetative kind of way but i enjoued the first line—that's a great opening and a wonderful simile.
this was pretty good! I think whence made a pretty thorough critique. I liked it there were some parts that could be better but ya it was pretty good. 
ML,
oregongirl
you walked into my life like a child's dream.
with darkness shadowing your face;
but the morning light hid in your eyes.
mysterious and enticing.
sweet angelic face.
the static between you and I
(or at least, with me)
grew
and grew
and kept growing with each passing moment
of our short estranged glances.
but then
I saw you.
and fear overwhelmed me
like the sight of a swelling wave,
that feeling of a ticking time bomb filled my chest.
ah...time, the one thing we had left to lose.
and then
I saw you.
really saw you.
and all misconceptions and explanations
floated above our heads
as your lips touched my shoulder blade.
oh that sweet angelic face.
your lips, our lips,
bittersweet misery.
the moments pass by as the clock flows
you move away, leaving an unquenchable
burning in my soul.
I stand there with utter stillness
and see the door sway back and forth
as blurs of the oblivious drift by
all in silence.
what silence. such pain.
pain I would gladly welcome once more
just for a dream of you and me,
of us.
of that sweet angelic face.
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