Young Writers Society

Hi, there! I'm here to leave you a review.

As someone with an unstable relationship with my father, this hit very close to home. He's someone I do not trust, and someone I have had difficulty repairing my relationship with.
So, emotionally, I'm in love with this and the elements of truth that come with it. I can only hope that you aren't writing this based off of personal experience, and if you are, my condolences. I promise you are not alone in feeling this way, and my PM's are always open <3.

This line really spoke to me, and I'd like to talk about it a little.

The comfortable silence between them
Gradually grows uncomfortable

**My Thoughts**

Hello! I really enjoyed this poem. I like how different the topic is, not many people would think of writing about this! I think some people can relate to this, though I can't. I have a wonderful relationship with my father, but I can see how some people do develop (as you said) "awkwardness, unhappiness, and distrust".

**Grammar/Formatting**

Nothing I noticed. The formatting was lovely! Good job!

**Punctuation**

This punctuation was fine! I would like to see full punctuation (periods, semi-colons, question marks, etc.), but just using commas worked out quite well in this poem!

**Other**

For some reason, I don't know why (sorry), it felt weird to me when you divided the first line. When you ended at "exists" and started with "an", it just confused me a bit. Maybe you should move "an" to the first line, and start the second line at "unending". Just my opinion!
The name of the poem was also an interesting choice! I like it.

**Review**

Grammar and formatting was great! The punctuation was OK. One thing sounded weird. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Hello! I loved the sort of subtle ominousness you have in this piece, so I thought I'd leave a review.

I like that you managed to convey different layers in the relationship between father and daughter, despite the short length of the poem. At once, I sense this conflict between tension and the somewhat feigned casualness they have on the surface, which I think makes the poem worth reading as a picture of family life.

Technique-wise, the thing that stood out the most to me was the rhythm. Starting and ending the first line with a two syllable word ('Between' and 'exists') gives it a sense of weightiness that sets the tone of the poem really well. That really showed me, as a reader, how the rhythm of the piece works, so I could follow it smoothly from that point on.

I would have liked to see more use of punctuation. There doesn't seem to be any full stops/ periods anywhere, which I suppose is intentional, though I do feel as if it lacks a sense of closure or completeness this way. That, of course, is just my personal opinion. Maybe consider playing with colons or dashes a little? Another thing that felt a little out of place was the word 'awkwardness'. To me, at least, it doesn't seem to match 'unhappiness' and 'distrust' in intensity, although it is true that such a home life would be awkward.

As a whole, though, it's a fine piece of free verse. The idea of blending different nature images to create this sort of unexpected discomfort and precariousness is brilliant.

Cheers,
-Liminality