Young Writers Society

Hello, there! Clairia here to review!

This is gorgeous and absolutely heartbreaking. Coming to the realization that your relationship with someone is simply built off desire (whether it be sexually or not) is an extremely difficult thing to do. Your piece hit me in a way I'm unsure I can describe properly because of how strongly I understood. I had a similar revelation in regards to my father a couple of years ago in that it finally just clicked that he had no intention of maintaining a bond with me and that his intentions in themselves were simply corrupt and proved unfit for him to uphold in his role as my dad. After struggling to recover from a childhood of abuse, seeing this reminded me of the day I saw behind the manipulation and lies that he had told me and the lies that I had told to myself. I really appreciate you having the courage to put that feeling into words and doing it so beautifully.

I was especially fond of this line:

In the midst of the silence,
I taste the feeling of defeat
That has threatened to permanently sour
The threshold of our love.

Wow. Thats kinda sad dontcha think? I mean how would you feel if you found out that you never existed? Don't get me wrong, its awsome. But still, what a heartbreaker. Format wise, it was simple but appealing with just the right amount of punctuation. Thanks for this peek into something different. Keep up the good work.

Okay, first of all, ouch? When I clicked on this I wasn't expecting that huge tsunami-sized wave of emotion to flow out of this amazing piece. Like, it hit hard. I think you recognized all of these hard, hurting emotions that people feel through one-sided relationships so well, and the way you expressed these throughout the piece was just.. Amazing. I myself have never been in a relationship like this, and yet reading your work, it's like I felt it myself, It's like I could understand it on another level of meaning, as if I had gone through this myself. And as I read, I find myself drawn to your words. You have a wonderful way of describing things like emotions and feelings to your readers. And despite this being fairly short, It tells a much larger story, a story that people can understand easily thanks to your fantastic descriptions. It was honestly just an amazing read, you have MAJOR talent that you put to good use.

Keep up the amazing work,

- Highflyer <<

Hey I just went through your poem. I must say it's a very wonderful one and you have conveyed really intense emotional feelings here. It’s not easy to define our feelings for others — especially romantic feelings, which can leave one in a haze!
The poem gives a sense of grief and disappointment
coming from a failed relationship which can be easily related with our real lives. It is not easy to find a relationship where both the people show same intensity of love and affection for the other person. This happens when we have set the bar too high; expectations are bound to remain unfulfilled.
The line "Your hollow lust, your idle gaze" that you used to describe the empty touch really adds more emphasis on the person's broken heart because of his partner's unappreciated response to love. Good choice of words there !
There is a very smooth flow in the entire poem and it gave me a real pleasure to read and understand your work.
Keep writing well and I hope to get more like this from you.

Wow, this is not getting the recognition it deserves. This is amazing, and you have a wonderful talent!