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delusions of grandeur

by tgham99


my dreams are laced
with the desire for a white castle,
for endless jewels and riches,
and the faults that accompany glory.

in the shallow pit of envy,
i am left to fill the demeaning role
of an onlooker --
always close to the success of others,
but too far away to forge any of my own.

of my impatient jealousy
is borne the ugly yearning for more;
had i everything there was to have,
satisfaction would elude me, 
taunting me,
reminding me of the desperation 
that coexists alongside mediocrity.

on the fringes of my happiest moments,
i am haunted by inferiority's relentless assault.

will i ever learn
to accept second best?


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Fri Jan 31, 2020 4:33 am
lizapieza says...



I have to admit the title caught my eye the most, it reflects an idea that many of us understand, but it leaves me personally with a question in my head, wondering "what do they mean by delusions of grandeur?" and it definitely grabs attention in the best way possible :) I also thought that the style of writing contrasted with the style of grammar (for lack of a better description?) was rather interesting. Here you are, writing in such a way that almost reflects that of a classic literary work, but you use grammar unconventionally and have no capitalization. Although some might dislike the "improperly written" look, I quite like it very much. I also have to say that this feeling is something I certainly experience quite often, and in a world where there is a constant standard of "if you aren't in first place you are in last", it is nice to have poems like this that question the idea of needing to be the most anything.




tgham99 says...


Thanks for your review! I'm glad that quite a few people found the title to be interesting -- it was actually intended to be ironic because the actual definition of "delusion of grandeur" is kind of the opposite of what the speaker here is actually experiencing. I found it quite nice that you compared it to classic literary work -- I took it as a compliment, which I hope is what you meant it as! ;) Thank you again for your feedback <3



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Mon Jan 27, 2020 6:53 pm
Bullet wrote a review...



hi, kane here to review. short and sweet.

the title caught my eye, and it perfectly fits the theme of the poem. your spot-on use of plain, direct imagery and use of narrative voice really drive home the feeling of jealousy, envy and yearning.

the grammar and flow are working and the overall structure is sound. it's not exactly the prettiest, but very utilitarian. everything remains tight-knit and on the path - no wandering or digression. kudos.

Acceptable as-is, and could use light polishing at the most. Overall, generally enjoyable and relatable.

Keep writing,

K.




tgham99 says...


Thank you very much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it <3



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Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:45 pm
Arete says...



To start this off, I'm not the best reviewer. All I can say is, I can tell you what I liked, and what I didn't. Sorry that I'm not super in-depth, I just know my weakness is in this category. Anyways, onto my short, yet honest, review:

The rhyme scheme flows, and sounds well. At least, when I read them. But, something I don't understand is, what the overall message is. I'm confused, maybe it's more obvious to everyone else, but I'm just not seeing it. But the word choices, and how they fit were overall fine.




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Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:45 pm
Arete wrote a review...



To start this off, I'm not the best reviewer. All I can say is, I can tell you what I liked, and what I didn't. Sorry that I'm not super in-depth, I just know my weakness is in this category. Anyways, onto my short, yet honest, review:

The rhyme scheme flows, and sounds well. At least, when I read them. But, something I don't understand is, what the overall message is. I'm confused, maybe it's more obvious to everyone else, but I'm just not seeing it. But the word choices, and how they fit were overall fine.




tgham99 says...


Hi!! Thanks for your review. The idea of the poem is to highlight the feeling of second-best/jealousy which is something that I personally have struggled with in the past. Thank you for your feedback <3



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Sat Jan 25, 2020 5:17 pm
Theva says...



Hello tgham99! Your word selection is good and excellent. And it is nice to read your poem.
* Punctuation and Capitalization *
There is some lack of Punctuation marks in your Poem and try to use Captial letters in your poem.




tgham99 says...


Thanks very much for your feedback!!



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Fri Jan 24, 2020 10:07 pm
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LZPianoGirl wrote a review...



**My Thoughts**

Hey tgham! Lucy here with another review! This poem was great! I liked it, though it was a bit tricky to read at times.

**Formatting and Grammar/Spelling**

Formatting was fine! I noticed the stanzas gain a line until the fourth one. I don't know if you did that on purpose, but it was a neat little thing to notice.

As for grammar and spelling, I only noticed one thing.

is borne the ugly yearning for more;


In this sentence, you used the word "borne". Did you mean "born"? I don't know if this is a mistake or not, because I have seen "borne" used in books and other things, but I think it means something else. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

**Punctuation and Capitalization**

Your punctuation was perfect! I didn't notice anything wrong.

As for capitalization, there wasn't any... It does go with the poem, to have none, but it did make it a tad harder to read. Maybe, don't capitalize all of the poem, but just the "I"'s, or maybe every first letter of the line.

**Other**

I really liked this, poem. A lot. I feel like I can relate to it. I want to be first, I want to be the best, when it comes to school, speech meets, and other things like that (except chess, I really don't care about chess). Your last two lines is a great ending. I love it. I think all of us have been "second-best" and I hate it. But, we all have to learn to deal with it (or act like we're fine, then cry later).

**Quick Review**

Just a few things I noticed, otherwise it was a wonderful poem!

Keep on writing, I really enjoy reviewing and reading your works! Have a good rest of January! ~Lucy the Looseleaf




tgham99 says...


Hey there!! Thanks for your review <3



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Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:45 am
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HGsomeone wrote a review...



A hoy hoy,

I am terrible at writing reviews but you have a nice poem here, so here are just some general comments;

the central of theme of struggling with the want for more is very strong until the final stanza. I understand, when I read back over the poem, why you decided to end it like this as it does tie in with the theme but when I first read it I was confused. In the second stanza of the poem you identified the narrator as an onlooker, this ran well with the poem and was supported by the lines;
"always close to the success of others,
but too far away to forge any of my own."
and so when the onlooker became a competitor who has to accept being in second place it was confusing.
My favourite part of the poem was, when considering stanza's, the third one. And when considering lines, probably this one.
"had i everything there was to have,
satisfaction would elude me, "

And now for some specific comments;

Some of the lines were a long and had too many words. This one for example...
"reminding me of the desperation that coexists
alongside mediocrity."

could be rearranged to...
"reminding me of the desperation
that coexists alongside mediocrity."

another one was...
"i am haunted by inferiority's relentless assault."

I'm not exactly sure how this could be fixed, but something I suggest that would change the least amount possible would be...
"I am haunted by the assaults of inferiority."

I apologise in advance if this was no help at all. Anyway, have a nice day and keep on writing because it really was a nice poem.

- H.G




tgham99 says...


Thanks so much for your review!! I actually went ahead and made a few change based off of your suggestions so they were definitely helpful <3 I'm glad you enjoyed it!



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Fri Jan 24, 2020 4:42 am
Clairia says...



remind me to review this later




tgham99 says...


yes plz




The only person I know for certain I am better than is the person I used to be.
— CandyWizard