Isn’t it true
That at the
end of the day
We’re all left
To ponder the
same thoughts?
Life, death,
happiness, sorrow
Unite us in
the task
Of seeking out
meaningfulness
In a world devoid
of meaning
The universal
thread
That connects all of mankind
Is the need to
understand
What cannot be
understood
The wealthy businessman
And the poor homeless
man
Are alike in
their fear
Of the unknown
and untold
While a
successful, empty housewife
Tends to her
children
She confronts
the same desperation
As the
immigrant fighting to keep her son
The happiest
of daughters
Faces the same
nonchalant cruelty
At the hands
of her peers
As the most desolate
of sisters
The strongest
of sons
Does not
remain immune
To the very
same pressure
That destroyed
the weakest link
There does not
exist one son,
One mother,
One daughter,
One husband
Who remains
untouched
By the
effortless absence of
A truly
meaningful existence
In a world so
dependent upon divisiveness
Is it not
comforting to know
That we are all
Equally
doomed?
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139,794 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
This poem was great! I loved the theme and plot, and how realistic it was. you portrayed the truths of society very well, you should be proud of that! I think my favorite stanza was the second to last. I think it is the most well-written stanza out of all of them. Now, on to mistakes.
**Formatting**
Lovely! I have no problem with it!
**Punctuation**
I do have an issue with the punctuation in this piece. you use commas and question marks, but nothing else (at least what I noticed). I think that either you should ONLY use commas, or use full punctuation.
**Grammar and Spelling**
There are a few mistakes in grammar, but not spelling. I think the review before me laid it out nicely, so I'll just quickly review what they said (I hope you don't mind, @-BlackThorne- ).
You are very wordy. Not that that's a bad thing, but the poem was hard to read in some parts. Example (that BlackThorne thought of):
"Of seeking out meaningfulness"
You don't need to use that big of a word. Instead, you could rewrite it to:
"Of seeking meaning"
See? It sounds much better!
**Quick Review**
Good poem and plot and the formatting is wonderful. Your punctuation is a bit weird, and you are quite wordy, making the poem hard to read.
**End**
This was a wonderful poem! I hope you don't take my corrections as rude, just some advice. Keep on writing, you have a lot of good ideas and potential! Happy (early) New Year!
Thank you so much for your review! I definitely struggled with wordiness and punctuation has always been confusing for me when it comes to determining how I want to structure my sentences/phrases, so I appreciate you pointing that out. Word choice and overall clarity are definitely some points I'm going to work on as I progress.
Thank you again and happy early New Year to you as well!!
You're welcome!
Suggested Revisions
"Unite us in the task" -> "binds us together" would work if it sounds better to you
"Of seeking out meaningfulness -> could be stated more concisely-example: of seeking meaning"
"In a world so dependent upon divisiveness" -> "divisiveness" could be replaced with a more casual or simple word or phrase if you'd like, to match the feel of the poem, (deep concepts being expressed in concise but powerful terms) like "being separate" or something more clear
also in general, I think this poem would benefit from some punctuation, or not, it's your choice! it could possibly help us to hear the rhythm that you have in your head. you could also have a more powerful sound, phonetics-wise to the words of the ending, to sign off on a more striking note.
overall, a nice reflection on humanity's darker common threads! good poem! cheers
@-BlackThorne-
Thank you for your review! I actually intentionally left it without punctuation with the intention (or hope, rather) that it would convey a sense of jagged disconnection/jarringness (if that's even a word) that shakes the audience a bit but I completely understand what you pointed out about developing the rhythm.
I appreciate your suggestions for word choice, especially the line "Of seeking out meaningfulness" -- I rewrote this particular line a thousand times and I still wasn't happy with the end result.. so it's nice to have a suggestion from someone else!
Thank you again!!
you're welcome!