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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
I want you to go back and reread it slooowly and caaaarefully. Inch by agonizing inch. lol You had a lot of grammar mistakes, not that I cared. The net thing was sooo confusing. Is she sitting on him like a horse or is she sitting on the net or is she held by the net while she--SO CONFUSED. D:
I'm going to say this now b/c I really can't write anymore crit.
OMFG I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. I can barely remember what happened in the last half but everything about the Kiera/Brad thing is just ... just... AWESOME. *dies* I'm going to stop now because I really really really want to go read part two. ^^
Oooh. This is a great start to the chapter! Have I told you how brilliant you are at creating and developing loveable characters? I can't wait for the romances to develop further and you have some good descriptions and as always a smooth, entertaining plot. Good job! A few typos and such -
And although it's inconvenient for your social lives, perhaps, it is more convenient and certainly much safer."
Kiera stared at it in amazement. It held a long bow, with a pouch for strings and wax, as well as [s]an[/s] a built-in quiver filled with white-feathered arrows.
One of the advantages to having four arms is that I can use knives and a bow at the same time, or knives and a battle axe, or a sword and battle axe and the knives, or any other combination of weaponry you'd like."
His lower set of arms buckled the belt firmly around his narrow [s]waste[/s] waist, and he had to cinch it up several knots.
Brad [s]bend[/s] bent down and picked up the heavy weapon belt that lay in the foliage in front of him.
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Overall, great job and I shall read the second part.
Cool! I like this section. Didn't find anything to comment on. Good job!
-GJ