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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Boy, it took you a while to get this one out
. That's no problem though, gave me some time to rest 
. I really don't have anything to say about this section. No suggestions or anything. Good job.
-GJ
Wow. I'm a sucker for good beginnings and I found this amazing. The imagery was beautiful.
Hand sounds like the wrong word to use. A cold sensation maybe? Your call.
Oh, lovely chapter. The pace was right, descriptions good, and although I haven't looked at the chapters before this, I could get a good hint of Car and Annie's characters. Just wondering where the Shyzel went, have been at school so it's hard to follow stories. (stupid school
Hello again! I enjoyed this chapter, nice and calm after all the action of the last and a good chance to get to like the characters better and to find out a little more information. Good description and some lovely dialogue. Here's a few suggestions -
His attention was taken away from the sunset when he felt a small, cold hand creeping along his ankle. He looked down and saw cloudy, dark smoke creeping up towards him. [Try not to repeat creeping. Perhaps slithering to replace the first?]
“We’ve gotten Annie and Cat safely out now.” [Mariamne doesn't seem the type to use 'gotten' so perhaps 'Annie and Cat have been rescued safely' would be better?]
“Who are they?” asked Raztik confusedly. [I don't know why but I have a strong aversion to 'confusedly' so maybe 'in confusion' or something?]
The day after tomorrow, the Nameless army is staging a surprise attack on this castle and [s]it’s[/s] its occupants.
“Yes..I…yes, I think so,” said Raztik confusedly. [Again, it's up to you but it's a bit of a strange word.]
Before Raztik could respond, she [s]has[/s] had slid down the wall and was gone in the dim grass below. [Maybe a slight change to the end - '...slid down the wall and fused with the grass below.']
"Yes, I'm afraid so, Cat. I have no idea why the Unknown [Don't you mean unnamed?] King wants you and your sister.
"[s]We've[/s] We're quick learners, luckily, so we've been able to pick up a lot of things as we go along."
"I know why the Unknown [Again, should be unnamed.] Army wants Cat and I," Annie said.
The shadows of the flames played across Cat's delicate features, a stray shadow casting her white skin into darkness and allowing her unusually bright blue eyes to shine out of the hollow of her face.
Seden shivered and pulled [I'm not sure about pulled. Perhaps shifted or something?] closer to the fire, pretending it was only a chill.
Overall, I think it's advancing really well and I can't wait for the next chapter, good work!