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141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
Just the one suggestin for this part -
Seden and Kiera sat down on Kiera's sleeping mallet, leaning against her cloth-covered walls. [Mallet? I don't think that's the right word. Did you mean pallet?]
Other than that, it's interesting and you made some nice relationship developments between Kiera and her brother and Val and Dominic. Keep up the good work...
You should change the "our neighboring tribes" to our neighbor or something like that, since it is a he, one person not many.
Okay, that's it. Goodjob once again!
Very good. I think you could have slipped in the last part with Kiera in part 1 however... Anyway, I think he king is a fat, stupid idiotic fool who didn't get hugged by his mother when he was young. Oh well, they have to deal with him not me. I honestly couldn't find anything wrong with it. Oh, I don't know but the thought of Val and deLucio just creeps me out for some reason. Sorry...
~Pol