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140,548 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
VERY good. :D I loved the interaction between Brad and Kiera!
"Sorry I was so abrupt. Yes it is a pleasant evening. I need to talk to you."
This is what I mean when I start rambling on about staccato writing. Instead of losing the commas and the fluidity--many people talk like this, I know, but you can write it so that they SPEAK staccato without making you WRITE staccato.
"I apologize for being so abrupt--the evening is quite pleasant."OR (because for some reason I can't put them together like that, it just doesn't flow for me) "I apologize for being so abrupt, but I need to talk to you."
These are just suggestions, I wouldn't presume to rewrite your work ^_^;
They're just examples. I LOVED IT. :) Annie is amazing, I would really enjoy reading more about her.
I loved it. As usual. Uh, I like how Annie was really emotionless n'stuff. I think Cat should have been two, that would ahve been cooler, for some reason.
Uh, whe deLucio takes Annie into the tent shouldn't he accually use the silver? If it stunts her powers wouldn't that be good? Anyway, It was good you had a reasonable response to the question why wouldn't she just blow up the whole camp.
I love Kiera and Brad! Yay! They should so get together. Anyways... Yea, thats it.
~Pol~
Hi, sokool.
Only finishing chapter 2.
Kitty's pretty much picked out the typos but I will very gladly second what she has said in that this is a good chapter.
I keep trying to read the rest but I keep getting kicked off the computer.
New chapter, yay! On to reading
.
Ah...my comment is...good job! I didn't find anything wrong except for the typos that kitty mentioned. Keep it up.
-GJ
Loved it dear. A very romantic, delightful chapter and I'm starting to see some similarities between Annie and her sister. That's a good thing. They were a touch too diverse before. Some good conflict and generally very well written as always but you did make a few typos...
The native was quite a hand with a sword, and took out a lot of the men himself, while the brown smoke women choked a whole bunch more of t hem. [I'm sure you can see it for yourself. Look at the last word =)]
She clutched Brad's neck, but the strength of his arms about her [s]waste[/s] waist made her feel secure, as if she wasn't flying hundreds of feet up in the air.
Scarcely had the words left her mouth when she felt strong hands catching her [s]waste[/s] waist and the wind rushing past her face.
Overall, great chapter and I can't wait to read the next. No Seden in this one though? A shame, I've grown rather fond of him and I'm missing Val and Erik as bad as that may sound...