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140,548 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
Cool chapter and I like the Night Cats, nice and impressive.
I know it's rather innapropriate, but I read that, imagined them with their heads under their wings and thought, "Aw, sweet!"
Nix the comma after "rumour had it".
It's = its.
All-together = altogether
That was all I saw; mae carnen and keep writing!
Two thumbs-up! Sweet! I don't really have anything to say, but it was good, so there...
-Greenie
There, I read it, now I'm criting. See!!! Anyway, It was good. I like how you explained about the branch thing and the large pockets. Thank you. I thought it was pretty cool that Val could hear Brad and that he thought he slipped by. Although how do they figure out where he's going? The direction of the wind blow? Just a bit of clearafication needed.
i like how The other forest spirit defended her Night Cat first. Twas cool. One other thing, you sometimes spelled it Night Cat. and sometimes Night cat, without the capital.
I loved how you siad Val and Erik knew about the kings plan, made me smile.
I like how the forest spirit talked about thier king. I don't know but it seems like she should have called him a mild name, mabye. Hm... Anyway that was about it so... I'm gonna post my next one soon incase you were wondering. Huh, bored.
~Pol
Oooh. I love this chapter. The Night Cat's sound great. They should join the war! Lol. Just a few specific points first -
Valery said reluctantly, as if not wanting to hear what Erik would answer. [I think this should be 'how Erik would answer.']
he whirled and held slammed his hand down on the throat of the Night Cat. [This is a little confusing. Held slammed? How about 'he whirled and brought his hand down on the throat of the Night Cat.' or something along similar lines.]
Suddenly the knife was knocked out of his hand and a dark brown smoke lifted him effortlessly off the cat and onto a tree branch. ['a tree branch' isn't very specific. Either use 'the tree branch' so that we know it's the same one that he was on before or maybe 'a lower tree branch.']
The Night Cat scrambled to it's feet, gave one last, baleful glare from it's yellow eyes at Brad, and leaped effortlessly off into the night, in search of easier prey. [You've used effortlessly in the line before this. Perhaps 'lightly' or 'swiftly' instead for this sentence.]
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Other than that, some good description, a nice insight into Valery's tastes in men and what good taste it is. Hehehe. Anyway, this part was well written and I love the latest forest spirit. She's very interesting.