Young Writers Society

Pfffft. What happened to more Brad/Kiera?


I'm obscenely enthralled by those two. :D I am *such* a sucker for a good romance. Not to mention I love the idea of you strapping her to his back for a road trip. NO. PERSONAL. SPACE. Hell yes. Sign me up! lol

The others pretty much said it all, and I was reading it too fast to notice anything real technical. I was eager to see "Brad," "Kiera," or "net" somewhere.

Well. Keep them coming PLEASE! :D

- aisho

Ah, a good end to the chapter. Just the one point to make -

Gently, the mist trailed down from the tree and let [s]it's[/s] its large, green burden down across the wide, burned area that surrounded the king's camp.

Perhaps add a little more onto the end from Seden's point of view? But generally, I loved it and look forward to the next chapter.

Writergirl, thank you for critiquing my story...I just wanted to tell you that yes, this is short for a chapter, but it's the second half of chapter 19, you see. I posted the first half earlier, but didn't have time to finish it, so this was just the ending. I'd like it if you could check out the first part of this chapter as well!

Thanks so much for critiquing!

~Madame Kool

EDIT: greenjay, I'll explain later about Seden.

Ahh...why didn't Seden shoot Erik? It makes some sense that he'd hide and only put the branch back after Erik left, but why waste the chance? He could have easily killed the leader of the dreaded Winged Mercenaries.

Besides that it was good, thumbs up, sweet.

-greenjay

I liked this. Normally, I don't critique series, but I thought someone should. XD. I really do like it. It is just really short, even if it is just a chapter. I didn't see anything that needs to be corrected. I like the description. LIke I said, it's just a little short. Hope I could help.
Jamie Bondage