Emperor's Heir - Chapter 35

by shieldmaiden

Published April 23, 2020

12+

In Emperor's Heir

Chapter 35

It was dark and humid inside the dragon’s mouth, but not as burning hot as I had imagined. The heat was tolerable. Instead, it was the foul stench of rotting flesh that accosted my sense of smell, making my stomach turn. In the dark, I took a step and slipped. Putting out my hands to keep from hitting my face as I fell, I landed with them in something sticky.

Slime oozed and squelched as I snatched my hands away. Whatever I had touched had been soft and slightly bumpy. And wet…very wet. Then I remembered. I was in a dragon’s mouth. I was standing on the giant lizard’s tongue.

Quickly I stood. Keeping still, I tried to calm my racing pulse by taking in shallow breaths. However, every time I inhaled my stomach lurched as the awful smell of terrible dragon breath filled my lungs. But I remained, silent and as still as I could. What was supposed to happen now?

Something flashed out of the corner of my eye. It was a spark of color, blues and greens that flew out from a dark abyss what I could only assume led to the base of the dragon’s throat. More followed, each flashing and dancing all along the cavern of yellow-white teeth. Soon, I was watching a firework display of colors clashing, twirling and twisting, mixing with one another. And in the display, images began to form.

A man stepped out of the mix. Wait … he wasn’t a man, for where his legs were supposed to be, there lay a large tail instead. His eyes were a pool of soft green while his hair was a dark raven black with hues of blue. His face wore an expression of desperation. The images focused, losing their blurry outlines till they became as clear and concise as if that merman was standing right in front of me. I could even see the reflection in his eyes.

A dragon was staring back.

The merman’s mouth opened and closed, shaping words. However, I couldn’t hear anything. Then, slowly at first, like a bunch of string instruments slowly growing louder, I began to hear what was being said.

Please!” The merman was begging. “I need to pass a message to her.”

You don’t even know if she will hear your plea.” The dragon replied calmly. “The girl hasn’t been to Quanxi for a long time.”

But you’ve looked into the future!” The merman cried out desperately. “She will return! You saw her come back!”

Some things are predestined. That the Protector will return, I know. If she will help you … that I know not.”

The merman’s face fell. For a moment he looked lost and forlorn. His eyes became black with despair and hopelessness. Then a look of determination filled those orbs once more.

Still, I must try. She’s my only hope for my people.” The merman looked up at the dragon, and I could see in the reflection that the dragon’s face had softened slightly.

Very well.” The giant lizard agreed.

The images shifted as the merman turned his head to look straight at me. It was as if he was looking into my soul and searching from hope, certainty from me.

Protector of Quanxi, it’s been decades since you’ve last been seen in our realm.” The merman spoke softly. “My name is King Kion, ruler of the Four Seas and the Blood Isles. In the name of the title given to you by our Mother Moon, I beseech you, help my people!” The sea king’s eyes brimmed up with tears, one escaping and streaked down his cheek. “I’ve failed in my oath as their king and have put them in grave danger. I’m to blame and only have you now to fall upon for aid.”

A woman named Malba has my heart. I gave it to her freely as a sign of my love and fidelity. But, I was deceived by her. She’s a witch!” For a brief moment, Kion’s face was filled with hatred. Then, it was filled with remorse once more. “I should have heeded my brother. He knew of her true character, that she was a woman not to be trusted. But, I listened not. At this very moment, I am dying without a heart. Malba is using it and mixing it with her dark arts. I know not what her plans are, except that they are evil and a king’s heart is powerful. With it is attached all my people’s own love and devotion to their kingdom. I fear that great harm will befall them.”

The sea king’s face twitched in pain and he clutched at his chest before falling to the ground. The images shifted again, and I watched horrified as before my eyes the merman’s tail began to fade away to ash, sparks flying away in the wind. He saw it too, and looked up into the dragon’s eyes to meet my own once more.

I have little time.” His face twitched once more and he groaned in pain. “Go to the palace of Queen Baema. Find Malba. She’s acting as ruler in Queen Baema’s absence. Be not deceived as I was. She bears the face of a friend, but possesses the soul of a foe.” The ashes had reached the merman’s waist now. It appeared that he was struggling for breath. Stretching out one arm, he reached as if searching for a companion to grasp his hand and hold it in his last moments. Without realizing, I reached mine forward towards the image.

For a moment I felt a static electric pulse. Then warmth. The warmth of fingers pressed against mine. The merman’s face lit up. Color rose to his white cheeks once more before they changed back to ashen grey. I felt his fingers tighten around my hand as he gasped once then collapsed on rock. His hand loosened and then I could feel it no longer.

Hot tears streaked down my cheeks as I watched the merman disappear in ash and sparks of fading embers. Then I saw the ashes all collect in a pile in a soft little pile. A gust of wind swept them up into the air again, towards me. Then I saw the dragon’s mouth open and watched the charred remains of King Kion enter there to rest.

The images blurred then disappeared, leaving me alone and sad. I sniffed and wiped clumsily away at the tears. For some reason, I couldn’t stop crying. I felt as if I had just lost an old friend. My heart ached.

Suddenly, there was a harsh movement. I fell down hard against the dragon’s tongue, which felt like sandpaper now, but I couldn’t get to my feet. There was to much jarring motion that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remain upright. So, I stayed down, curling up into a ball, covering my head with my arms and knees.

The motion halted and suddenly the dragon’s jaws opened. I stared briefly into the sea’s churning waves before the dragon spat. I was hurled through the freezing air before my body crashed into the waves, smacking across them a couple times like a tossed pebble, before finally sinking below the surface.

Green slime oozed off my skin in droplets. I coughed and then took in a deep breath of clean, salty seawater. I had little time to ruminate though. A deep voice sounded in my head, breaking through my thoughts.

It’s good to have you back, Protector. Remember this. My name is Gnasher the Great.”

I swam quickly to the sea’s surface, my head breaking through the waves just in time to see a great shape fly off.

The shape of a dragon.

Comments & reviews · 4
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review Review · May 29, 2021

Hello, hello! FlamingPhoenix is back for more! Hope your ready? :D

Lets dive right into it!

It was dark and humid inside the dragon’s mouth, but not as burning hot as I had imagined. The heat was tolerable. Instead, it was the foul stench of rotting flesh that accosted my sense of smell, making my stomach turn. In the dark, I took a step and slipped. Putting out my hands to keep from hitting my face as I fell, I landed with them in something sticky.


Blegh I can only imagine the smell! *shivers* You did an amazing job of describing that, it really had shivers running up my spine, it was so gross. I wouldn't want to be her right now that's for sure.

Something flashed out of the corner of my eye. It was a spark of color, blues and greens that flew out from a dark abyss what I could only assume led to the base of the dragon’s throat. More followed, each flashing and dancing all along the cavern of yellow-white teeth. Soon, I was watching a firework display of colors clashing, twirling and twisting, mixing with one another. And in the display, images began to form.


For a little while there I thought it was fire rising up the dragons throat, I got really worried that he was going to roast her alive. I'm still not sure if it is or not. Maybe he used a small amount of flames to show the memory's? Can he do that?

The images shifted as the merman turned his head to look straight at me. It was as if he was looking into my soul and searching from hope, certainty from me.


Dark! XD This poor guy his asking for help and he isn't even sure if his going to get it, and all that really adds up to this small part here, it makes it meaningful in some way. Also it portrays the emotion really well.

The sea king’s face twitched in pain and he clutched at his chest before falling to the ground. The images shifted again, and I watched horrified as before my eyes the merman’s tail began to fade away to ash, sparks flying away in the wind. He saw it too, and looked up into the dragon’s eyes to meet my own once more.


This story is really starting to get intense, Poor Kion, he fell in love only to get stabbed in the back.
I am curious though will this lady with his heart get stronger as long as all the Kelpi look after the kingdom? Will their love still be channeling to that heart? And that's she still has all this power?

“I have little time.” His face twitched once more and he groaned in pain. “Go to the palace of Queen Baema. Find Malba. She’s acting as ruler in Queen Baema’s absence. Be not deceived as I was. She bears the face of a friend, but possesses the soul of a foe.” The ashes had reached the merman’s waist now. It appeared that he was struggling for breath. Stretching out one arm, he reached as if searching for a companion to grasp his hand and hold it in his last moments. Without realizing, I reached mine forward towards the image.


OOOoooo this is getting exciting! Will she go, will she not fall for the image of a graceful woman? Will there be a very climactic fight!?
Poor Kion I can't imagine what he must be going through. Dying alone with very little hope for his people left is a really heard thing to go through.

The motion halted and suddenly the dragon’s jaws opened. I stared briefly into the sea’s churning waves before the dragon spat. I was hurled through the freezing air before my body crashed into the waves, smacking across them a couple times like a tossed pebble, before finally sinking below the surface.

Green slime oozed off my skin in droplets. I coughed and then took in a deep breath of clean, salty seawater. I had little time to ruminate though. A deep voice sounded in my head, breaking through my thoughts.


Yet again another great description! But ouch, her dragon friend isn't what you would call the most graceful. Guh and she's covered in his saliva!

“It’s good to have you back, Protector. Remember this. My name is Gnasher the Great.”

I swam quickly to the sea’s surface, my head breaking through the waves just in time to see a great shape fly off.

The shape of a dragon.


Cool name! But dude I don't think she heard you! Make sure if your going to say something the person your talking to is going to hear what you say! *face palms*


Well that raps it up! This was a really great chapter, it really moved the plot along in a really cool direction! I see a lot more action in the future!
I wonder is she will be able to return the Kelpis hearts to them, is it to late? Has this lady grown to powerful and can't be stopped. Will Kkachi be able to find help is she needs it?

Oh there are so many questions I have and I can't wait to find out if some of them are true! And I look forward to more twists in the story up ahead!

Again great chapter! I'll be onto the next one now!

Your friend and faithful reviewer
FlamingPhoenix

Reviewing with a fiery passion!

User avatar
Honora
Review
Honora wrote a review Review · Jan 6, 2021

Hey Cecy! Been a while since I dropped a review on you! Better late then never though ;)

Okay so no major things to nitpick which is good. The only thing I did notice is that your sentence lengths are usually the same and this made it sound just a tad repetitive as I read it. The ones I noticed the most were when there were several short sentences in a row. It makes it very choppy and in most cases, they could have been joined together to form one sentence. Take my last sentence for example. That's how it could have been written rather then like this.
It makes it very choppy. They could have been joined together to form one sentence. Take my last sentence for example. That's how it could have been written.
Make sense?

I also felt really disconnected from her emotions. You told them to me yes but I couldn't feel the heartache she felt. I couldn't connect to her loss of the merman. I know in past chapters, this hasn't been a problem and it can also be fixed in a rewrite. This is just a first draft so it's not a huge problem. I thought I'd point it out anyways for future reference. ;)

Anyways, other then that, I found it written incredibly well. I really felt gross as you described her surroundings and the gooeyness and nastiness...yuck!
The plot is really unfolding in this chapter. Before it was a lot of action with very little knowledge of what is going to happen or what has happened already. This chapter gave a lot of information that has finally given my mind a break from the constant questions I have flowing in my head XD It was pretty nice actually.

That's all I have for you today! Hope it helped you some ;)

Your friend,
Honora <3

Hey Honora! Thanks for the review. I'm grateful for the tips about any disconnection you felt towards the main character. I'll try to fix that during the revision. Sometimes what I'm feeling in tune with the character that it's hard to tell how she's coming across to the reader. I know what she's feeling so it leads me to wonder if too much said will make her feel redundant or if too little makes her distant. I'm looking forward during the editing to fixing this
Hopefully I'll be able to tell.

User avatar
Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2020

Heya shieldmaiden,

I saw this chapter is in the Green Room as well, so I thought I'd drop by for another review because I liked the last one so much! Let's get started...

And wet…very wet. Then I remembered. I was in a dragon’s mouth. I was standing on the giant lizard’s tongue.


Grosssss oh goodness. These first two paragraphs are truly phenomenal. You are able to get so many of my senses engaged in these descriptions. I feel hot and disgusted and a little nauseous from it all. I'm sure you know it's not easy at all to engage so many of your reader's senses, and I truly applaud how well you were able to pull all of this off! Great job!

I realized as I started reading that apparently there are several chapters missing between the one that I reviewed and this one which have presumably already been reviewed, but since I don't have a lot of the context of the story anyway, I'm just going to go with finishing up this review.

She bears the face of a friend, but possesses the soul of a foe.


I like how you put this <3

~ ~ ~

Wow! Another interesting chapter!

I really like what interesting creatures you have here. Mermen. Dragons. It's exciting stuff! I, of course, am wondering how all of these characters relate and what is going to happen now. But, I have to give it to you -- meeting INSIDE a dragon's mouth is a pretty impressive for a meeting place if I do say so myself.

I don't really have any major critiques here since I can't really speak to the characterization or really the storyline as a whole since I don't know where you've brought this story from or where you're taking it. But I do like it! And your description is a definite positive, as I mentioned. I shuddered at the description of getting spat back into the water. That's just... esh. Fantastic. It makes me cringe, which means you did it super well lol.

Great job with these chapters! You clearly have really interesting story, and you do such a good job writing it! I enjoyed reading these chapters to review.

I hope these helped!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

P.S. Here's your customary Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnügen in honor of review day.

Image

Thanks for the review. It means a lot that I was able to engage your senses, since description has never been my forte. So, thanks :) You made my day!

User avatar
AngelLily
Review
AngelLily wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2020

Hi! It’s AngelLily!
Okay, so I haven’t read the other chapters, but I really liked the beginning of this chapter. It drew me in, and I liked the dialog. One of the mistakes I found was the indenting. None of your dialog or paragraphs are indented, so you may want to fix that. You can indent with the tab button on the computer, or 5 spaces will do.

I like your characters. They are very unique. The flow of the story was very good, as well as the structure. I like the adjectives you used, it really helped create images in my mind. So far, the plot looks good, but I haven’t read the other chapters, but I’m sure they are good as well. Good job!

Keep writing!
~AngelLily 😇

Thanks for the tip of inventing. Truly helpful. Question tho, is it really important? Some books I've read didn't bother with it. I'd love to hear what you think.

I think indenting is important. My English teacher really pushes the indenting thing. I do error paragraphs every week and if they are not indented they are wrong. I like it. It helps with clarification for me, but I guess it just really depends on your style.

You make a very good point! Thank you :)



I *do* like flipping tables.
— Faye Whitaker, Questionable Content